RE: Autoreply

Nope, still hungover.


Maybe tomorrow then.

Autoreply

Awesome Wez cannot come to the blog right now as he is currently hungover and bloated from all the mince pies and chocolate he's eaten. 


Please check back later.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Geeks! 


Hope you all have a fabulous time whatever you are doing.

The Christmas Eve Film Fest

Every year on Christmas Eve, Jane and I watch our favourite festive films and today will be no different.


We kick things off with Trading Places, which holds up against the test of time, except for the fact that casual racism was clearly a lot more acceptable back in the eighties.


This is followed by Home Alone, which is probably only entertaining to adults if you were a kid when it came out. I was so I'm set. Plus there's nothing more Christmassy than a grown man being shot in the groin with an air gun.


Third up is Die Hard, which IS a Christmas movie and a brilliant one at that. Hands down my favourite ever action movie, by the time "Let it Snow" starts playing you can't help but feel in the Christmas spirit, especially whilst surrounded by dead terrorists.


Finally we have Scrooged, with the excellent Bill Murray tackling on of my favourite stories (A Christmas Carol) in what has to be my favourite adaptation. Karen Allen's smile reminds me of the Joker, which is both fun and terrifying at the same time (much like the Joker himself I suppose).


So that's our day...what are you doing? 

Hitting a club

On last night's work Christmas do, I ended up in a nightclub. I haven't really been clubbing for years (and not serious since I've been in a long term relationship - which is coming up for 8 years now). So I was just about 20/21 when I was clubbing regularly.

Going to a club now made me feel:
a) Old
b) Glad I was in a relationship
c) Old
d) Sorry for anyone who was trying to meet someone in a club
And did I mention old.

I'm not sure if it was the horny teenagers stinking of jaagermeister, sweat and desperation or the really poor music choices (apparently repeating a chorus of "don't piss me off" is a big thing, who knew?)

Either way, it was kinda fun to see how the other half live. Pathetically it seems.

Fear and Loathing in Canterbury

So tonight is my first official night out with my new work colleagues. I've been told heavy drinking is on the menu.


Here's hoping I don't do anything to embarrass myself too much. I would guess a lot of it would depend on the type of alcohol I'm drinking. As I've said before, different drinks have very different effects on me.


Fingers crossed I'll still have a job tomorrow...

Holding Out

Why has no-one covered Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For A Hero"? Heard it yesterday on the advert for Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe (BTW looks Awesome). It stands up.


Musicians out there, take note.

The Dinosaur is gone

So, credit where it's due on Terra Nova. I was worried that the pet dinosaur was going to become a regular feature, but they've got rid of it now. True, there's still lot's of boring stuff with the family going on...this week, the teenage girl couldn't do her homework (the horror!) so she went on a trading mission to get a new battery so that she could. It's like the "Sawyer needs glasses" episode of LOST. Just creating something remotely amusing to keep characters occupied.


Conversely, the main storyline where they discovered the Sixer spy was the most interesting thing that's happened so far in the season. Added to that, Lucas going back through the portal to wreak havok and the season finale is shaping up to be a good ride.


We'll see next week I guess. 

Panicking

Watching Panic room again is weird because I'd forgotten Kristen Stewart was in it.


Probably the best performance she's given, which largely revolves around her slipping into a diabetic coma.


Shame that didn't happen in Twilight.

One Week to Go!

Only one week to go before my favourite day of the year.


As you can tell I'm very excited...


CHRISTMAS BABY!

Still stuck for Christmas?

If you haven't finished your Christmas shopping you've only got a week left.


If you're stuck for ideas and know a loved one with a Kindle, PC, Mac, iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad or Smart Phone, then why not get them a delightful horror-adventure story for the festive season.


I know one from an up-and-coming author that can be downloaded here:


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nightmare-at-Movies-ebook/dp/B005R41I7S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323953428&sr=8-1&fb_source=message


Just saying.

Elf Help

Went to see Arthur Christmas the other night, purely because the missus and I were both feeling festive.


It's great fun with a solid voice cast including Bill Nighy, James MacAvoy, Hugh Laurie and Jim Broadbent. The plot revolves around the titular Arthur's quest to bring a present to a little girl who has somehow been missed off of the Christmas Eve present run. Of course, hilarity ensues and all the characters learn some valuable life lessons...


It really is a Christmas film and may not be to everyone's taste but I thoroughly enjoyed it. As I may have mentioned once or twice before, I'm partial to all things Christmas so this was right up my street and left me with a warm glow afterwards.


Family friendly festive fun...

Using the C Word

44 Inch Chest is a tense thriller, with an exceptional cast. What makes it even better is that it's:
a) British
b) Set in London
c) A cockney gangster film that doesn't feature Danny Dyer

The film is actually about men, their relationships with each other and how they want to be perceived by each other. There's a mix of the old geezer set in his ways (John Hurt), the mother's boy (Tom Wilkinson) and the gay playboy (a scene-stealing Ian McShane - no mean feat with this line up - giving a positive unstereotypical portrayal of a London gay man. The fact he's gay is secondary to the fact he's a hard nut, in a similar vein to McShane's character in Sexy Beast.) At the centre of it all is Ray Winstone, broken by the fact that the wife he adores is cheating on him and deciding whether or not to kill the man she's sleeping with.

The film flits between reality and Winston's head, and the story itself is actually a bit light, but all this falls away when you're confronted with some truly electrifying performances.

You just need to get past the fact that every other word is the C word and you're in for a treat.

Come join the Warner Brothers...

I've been thinking a lot about "The Animaniacs" lately. Don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you. They've just been on my mind.

The thing I keep dwelling on, is that a part of me thinks that the Animaniacs may have been preparing my generation for Guantanamo Bay. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

Look at the Warner Brothers (Wacko and Yacko) and the Warner sister, Dot. For decades, the WB Studio Execs kept them locked up (without trial) in the water tower on the Warner movie lot. Eventually, they escape, only to be chased down by a (albeit incompetent) authority figure. Why were they locked up? Just because they were unconventional. They were entertainers, they were mischievous, they stood up to authority. And then they were locked away for an undetermined amount of time.

And as a generation we were supposed to be OK with this? Maybe we were being prepared for a future where people could be held indefinitely under terror laws?

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. It's not that unusual.

Oh, and don't even get me started on Pinky and The Brain...

Hindsight is 20/20

In hindsight, after sleeping on it and thinking it over, was I being too harsh on The Dilemma in yesterday's review?

No.

The only Dilemma is how quickly to turn it off

I watch a LOT of films. If you know me personally or through reading this blog, you know that already. And in most cases, even if I'm really not enjoying a film, I'll watch it to the end.


So. The Dilemma. Short story: I didn't make it to the end. 


It's a comedy-drama that neither funny nor especially dramatic. My best friend's wife is cheating on him HA HA HA! It's hilarious. I've been stung by a poisonous plant, so now it's painful to pee - HAHAHAHAHA!  


I got about 40 minutes in before I had to stop. What's even worse is that it's a Ron Howard film, so he should know what he's doing. It's terribly misjudged, Winona Ryder's voice is so weird she sounds like Gizmo from Gremlins, and really you would only find this funny if you had been exposed to the Joker's laughing gas or were in the middle of a psychotic break.


Worst film of the year? Possibly.

The American (F**K Yeah)

It's a somewhat bombastic title, for a really slow, underplayed film.


Not to say I didn't enjoy it, but I watched it about three weeks ago and have only just got around to reviewing it.


It stars George Clooney as a hitman, forced to do "one last job" whilst hiding out in a remote part of Italy. Whilst there he befriends a Priest and falls in love with a prostitute (who likes metaphors?) all the while worried that his enemies are closing in on him.


I did actually enjoy this, but it is very slow. If are prepared for a "thinker" rather than lots of explosions then you'll get more out of it. Not to say there's not violence, because there is. Clooney is really good though, it seems like an age since he was only famous for being the attractive Doctor in ER. He's probably one of the best talents in Hollywood now.  

I've got a feeling...

...that tonight's gonna be a good night.


Because it's my annual Belgo Christmas Meal, which involves me and my friends heading to our favourite Belgian restaurant for much beer, mussels, beer, steak, beer, lobster, beer and schnapps. Oh and maybe a beer.


What originally started as a small group of 8 has escalated to 26 people, so the bill it sure to be pretty heavy. Plus there's a beer the waiter mockingly calls "The Night Finisher", which is about 13%.


Still, always one of the best nights of the year (when I can remember it).

Me from last year, drunkenly playing with a lobster claw. 

That happened, and my friends let it happen.

Disney Does Dickens

Due to a barrage of busy Christmases, I never saw Disney's A Christmas Carol when it came out at the cinema nor when it was released on DVD. I've only just caught it as it hit my Sky Box (really not a euphemism).


Based on the classic Dicken's text, which incidentally is one of my favourite stories, this motion capture version sees Jim Carrey play Scrooge along with all the ghosts, ably supported by Colin firth and Gary Oldman.


It's good fun and they've kept to a lot of the original text. Where it goes off the rails is the scenes between Carrey delivering the classic lines, which involves (but isn't limited to) Scrooge being shrunk and chased around London by the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. It's weird and unnecessary, and feels like it's only in there because the animators wanted to show off the cool stuff they could do.


As versions of A Christmas Carol go, it's nowhere near as Scrooged, which I'll be watching on Christmas Eve, as I do every year.

Unique to my generation

There’s a couple of things about Christmas that are unique to my generation. First of all, we don’t really think it’s Christmas until I’ve heard the line “you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot”. God I love Fairytale of New York.

Maybe it’s unique to me, but I also have to hear East 17’s Stay Another Day. I then replace the “Stay Now” melody with the words “Stain Her”. It amuses me at least.

God I love Christmas, and it’s getting closer…

I did warn you

So in my excitement for Christmas, which is getting increasingly closer, I've begun a gauntlet of Christmas films.

I tend to do it every year, and it usually contains (but is not limited to) Elf, Gremlins, Christmas with the Kranks, a version of A Christmas Carol and if Jane gets her way, Santa Claus: The Movie.

The whole thing culminates on Christmas Eve with Trading Places, Home Alone, Die Hard and Scrooged; with the grand finale being my all time favourite film It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Day.

Good times.

Poor Lorraine

Following on from Sunday's Adele shout out, I thought I'd share a secret of mine.

Whenever Adele sings "I set fire to the rain", I imagine she's singing "I set fire to Lorraine".

I've given the whole thing a complex backstory, where Adele and Lorraine were best friends, until Lorraine stole Adele's boyfriend. The only recourse left for Adele was to try and win her bloke back, and in her grief-stricken state, she thought that if she burnt his house down, he'd be forced to come live with her. Unfortunately her boyfriend was working nights at a petrol garage, but Lorraine (who had recently been kicked out by her parents) was staying at his house. She suffered third degree burns over 40% of her body, and the police could never tie Adele to the crime.

If I didn't have thoughts like this, I imagine I'd get a lot more done.

Quote of the Week VII: Adrian's Revenge

This week's Quote of the Week, is rather topical, and will be censored for those younger readers.

Anyone in the UK must have been living under a rock if they had missed the public sector strike, followed by an ill-timed joke from Tory posterboy Jeremy Clarkson. There's a debate to be had on whether he was joking (he clearly was), whether he should be fired for it (in an ideal world no, but he should at least suffer the same punishment as Ross and Brand, a precedent set by the BBC) and whether Britain can't take a joke (unfortunately, it's clearly getting to the point where we can't). I don't like Clarkson, I don't enjoy Top Gear and I think he's an arse; but he was clearly just joking.

Anyway, of the back off all this, my friend made the following comment, which made me laugh and I agreed with entirely:

"I always thought Clarkson was a c***, and now everyone will think I'm just jumping on the bandwagon."

Truer and truer.

Adele

Why is Adele everywhere?


Not that i don't like her music, I actually do, but it just seems like you can't turn on the radio in London without hearing her on one of the stations.


Maybe she's made a deal with Crowley the Crossroads Demon (esoteric reference) that at any given point she must always be being played on a station somewhere in the capital.


Maybe that's just too far-fetched. I guess we'll see in ten years.

I can't be that old

Two days ago I was bemoaning that my switch from Radio 1 to Radio 2 had signalled my departure from youth. Evidence to the contrary today when I heard the term "Fiscal Stimulus Package" on the radio and I couldn't help but snigger.


That sounds like some weird sexual deviancy, doesn't it? Or maybe that's just me.


Either way, I'm clearly not THAT grown up yet. 

Gigtastic

So it's been a while since I've seen my friend Alex's band "My Heroine" do a proper gig, partly because I seen them rehearse a few times and partly because a couple of gigs I'd been planning on going to had been cancelled for various reasons. In fact, the last time I saw them at a gig was back in June, when I "borrowed" someone's Mohawk hat, but that's another story.


I really love live music, but am incredibly lazy when it comes to organising myself to go and see and band, so the fact that these guys are my friends gives me the added incentive to get my lazy arse off of the sofa and go to see them. The drawback of the gig was that it was in Chelmsford (I felt like I was cheating on Kent), but the fact that the girls are so awesome more than made up for it. Their set list seems to be growing all the time and even in the few months since I last saw them they've really stepped up their game when it comes to their stage presence. 


Admittedly, I'm slightly biased, but I really think that there will be big things on the horizon for them in 2012.


Oh and I finished the night by practising a new card trick and blowing some people's minds. I've really got back into card tricks lately, no idea why.  

Getting older

I'm throwing in the towel now, I'm officially old.


Since I started my new job I've been driving to and from work every day, and as I now work in the Kent countryside there's only a limited number of radio stations that I can pick up. So largely my choice has become Radio 1 or Radio 2 and I now find myself picking Radio 2 every time.


Partly because I can't stand Chris Moyles, but primarily because the music on Radio 1 sounds crap to me now. 


Someone get me a zimmerframe and some false teeth. 

Holidays are coming (closer than ever)

Just an advanced warning...tomorrow marks the first of December.


At that point I will become an insufferable, festive, Christmasphile.


It really is the most wonderful time of the year.


You have been warned.

Breaking Dawn

Yesterday I mentioned "Breaking Dawn".

Alternative movie pitch based on that title:

"Dawn is a militant terrorist who has planted a dirty bomb carrying weaponised smallpox in a school somewhere in the US. Detectives Jack Baines and Frank Colt have just six hours to interegate her and "break" her, so they can find out the bomb's location and defuse it, before all hell breaks loose."

I just think that sounds a lot more interesting than glittery vampires.

Twi As I Might

So, Twilight 4A has hit cinemas and now my Twitter feed and Facebook page are full of comments about it.

As you may know from previous rants, I'm not a fan of Twilight, nor of the Twilightification of EVERYTHING else that it has affected.

So I have a message for any woman (or man) over the age of 17, who is going to watch or has already been to see "Breaking Dawn":

I hope that you enjoy it and that it lives up to your expectations. This isn't a joke or the start of a rant; if you genuinely find Twilight entertaining then I hope this new film is enjoyable for you. However, as you're watching a film based on a series of books primarily aimed at eleven-year-old girls, you automatically forfeit any right to EVER judge me for reading comic books and watching cartoons. And I will throw it back in your face if you ever try to.

Just saying.

If you smell...

I'm a lapsed wrestling fan.

It's a bit like being a lapsed Catholic, in that you still believe in the underlying principles of it all, but you just don't go to church every week. You just make time for the major celebrations.

I still enjoy wrestling, but I don't have the time, or frankly the inclination, to watch Raw and Smackdown every week. I have friends that do, who fill me in on what's going on every so often, and as the plots are less complicated than the average Point Horror novel (nineties reference), I'm always more than comfortable that I can get up to speed before a PPV.

And I do enjoy the PPVs. I'd never watch them alone, but as a social activity with friends (who are all equally geeky and are big enough fans to be able to be critical) it's a fun way to spend a Monday night. Plus we tend to get pizza.

So on Monday night I found myself watching Survivor Series, in no small part because The Rock was going to be wrestling again for the first time since he went "Hollywood" five years ago. Now, when I was REALLY into wrestling, The Rock was hands down one of my favourites. It wasn't his wrestling, it was that he was funny and his promos were always incredibly entertaining. And now he's back, I'm guessing because Vince McMahon threw an obscene amount of money his way.

And he didn't disappoint. His promo was great and he could still keep up with the younger guys in the ring (he's only in his late thirties after all). His next scheduled match is at Wrestlemania, and based on this performance, I'll be setting that Monday night aside.

Pizzas at the ready.

Stoppable

"Unstoppable" is a complete misnomer. It's about a speeding runaway train that's heading towards a populated city centre, and only Denzel Washington and Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) can stop it.

But without spoiling the end, you know that one way or another it has to stop. Ergo, it isn't "Unstoppable".

Grammatical pedantry aside, I enjoyed it more than I expected to. I think Tony Scott is an extremely competent action director and the plot gripped me more than a story where the bad guy is a train should have. Both leads are likeable in their own way, and as the film is on about 90 mins it feels a bit like a 90's throwback, which of course I liked.

Worth a watch if you're bored one evening, but don't go out of your way.

Roomies

Now I've mentioned The Room before.

I won't go into it in great detail again, as you can find the full dissection here. However, after watching it a second time on Sunday whilst slightly hungover (it loses nothing on second viewing), it was pointed out to me by a friend what's wrong with it. Apart from the fact that Tommy Wiseau padded out 60 minutes of film with 30 minutes of establishing shots, the whole film is like it's been created by someone who has never watched a film before. Sure, he's away of the abstract concept of what a movie should be, he just has no practical knowledge.

It's still awesome though. If you don't like it, then as far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth. That's a promise.

Whodunnit

I spent Saturday night getting drunk a taking part in a murder mystery game. It was great fun, party because 7/8ths of us were drunk and partly because everyone got into the spirit of the game.

My character was a suave, debonair businessman, but as it was set in the 1900s I shaved my beard off and gave myself a tiny pencil moustache.

I also used enough hair gel that the next morning it was still in place. It was like a motorcycle helmet.

I also learnt that a French accent and a Belgian accent aren't the same thing. And regardless, I can't do either anyway.

Photo below of me looking suave (or at least, that's what I kept telling myself).

It's like James Bond.........'s overweight, less attractive waiter.

Quote of the Week VI: Return of the Mc

This week's "quote of the week" once again is from my good friend Al McKenzie, who was commenting on some homophobic "youths" he heard on a walk through London:


"Look mate, it's all very well loudly moaning about "batty boys" hanging about, but you are just off Old Compton street. Next week, moaning about "Jerry" clogging up the centre of Frankfurt."


Ah, the youth of today. I guess they don't know what homophobia really says about you.

Oh how they've fallen

"The Experiment" isn't a bad film. It's interesting and anyone with even a passing knowledge of psychology will know the Prisoners and Guards experiment. It's only about an hour and a half and if you can handle some psychological violence it's worth a go.


What's weird is that it stars Forest Whitaker and Adrian Brody. Both these men have won Best Actor Oscars but now they're doing films of this sort of budget. It's weird, maybe they have the same (not especially good) agent. 

Holidays are coming

Christmas is a little over a month away. If you're looking for the perfect give for someone special this year, why not get them a thoroughly entertaining e-book...?

You can find an incredible gift idea here.

Just saying.

Twitter Troll

After yesterday's tirade against Tin Tin, I was bemused to see that someone called "Tin Tin Podcast"has started following me on Twitter.


Now I'm not hugely into marketing myself on Twitter. I'm not on "Team Follow Back" and don't really get onboard with "Follow Fridays". My Twitter feed is primarily just a random collection of my thoughts and 140 character reviews of TV and film.


I get that Tin Tin Podcast probably automatically follow anyone who mentions their ginger haired hero, but it just seems odd that they'd follow someone who only mentioned Tin Tin in the following Tweet: "My three word review of Tin Tin = really, really boring".


Oh well. A follower is a follower I guess.

Tin Tin and the Case of the Crushing Disappointment

I had really expected to like Tin Tin, despite the fact I was never really into the comics as a kid. My friends all gave it glowing reviews. I love Spielberg, a by-product of growing up in the eighties. I like most of Peter Jackson's stuff. I think Edgar Wright is a genius and Joe Cornish is hilarious.


Which is why it's such a shame that Tin Tin is thoroughly boring.


And that's the word for it. It's not awful, it's not offensive, it's just boring. At no point was I engaged with the characters or the plot (which was all over the place). Tin Tin himself was incredibly unrelatable. I found the Thompson twins annoying (despite the fact I really like Frost and Pegg). Daniel Craig and Andy Serkis worked, but not enough to save the film.


At one point there's a chase scene through Morocco which is all one intricate and incredibly long shot. I remember thinking "Wow. This is all one shot. Impressive" and then focusing on the camera work rather than the scene unfolding. When you're following the technical side of the film, there's something very wrong with the plot.


I seem to be in the minority with this one, but it just didn't engage me. I'm hoping that Tin Tin's next adventure isn't the Case of the Unnecessary Sequel.

A Dog and a Bell

Yesterday I mentioned Ricky Gervais, but somehow omitted the massive news that he's hosting the Golden Globes again.

I love how the organisers have forgotten their indignation from last year as they desperately try to boost viewing figures. Here's hoping Gervais' tongue is even sharper this year.

It seems that Pavlov's Dogs learn faster than the Hollywood Foreign Press.

Praise is too short

It's really easy for everyone to jump on the "I hate Ricky Gervais" bandwagon that critics roll out whenever he comes up with a new show. How quickly they forget how funny Extras was, or how The Office genuinely changed global comedy.

Was Life's Too Short as memorable as it's predecessors? Who can tell, yet? We've only seen the first episode. Let the characters establish themselves before you jump to negative conclusions.

Personally, I thought the whole thing was fairly funny until Liam Neeson turned up, at which point I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I'm looking forward to the rest of the series.

Three Beats Two

The best thing I can say about Paranormal Activity 3, is that it's better than Paranormal Activity 2. Although, let's be honest the bar was really low.


As a stand alone film, I really enjoyed the first Paranormal Activity. It reminded me a lot of The Blair Witch Project, it was low budget, and anyone who shares a bed with someone will get just how creepy the idea of someone standing over you for four hours while you sleep really is.


Much like Saw however (again, a film I really liked), the sequels really detract from the original. In PA3, the younger versions of the female protagonists from PA1 and PA2 are experiencing more supernatural occurrences. Why they don't remember this or reference it in the first two films however is anyone's guess.


Apparently, PA3 did huge business in the States, so expect a PA4 next Halloween. 

Quote of the Week V: The Empire Strike Front

Celebrating a friend's 30th birthday, we ended up having a games night, because that's the kind of crazy, mad-cap lifestyle that I lead.

Anway, one of the rounds was a pub quiz, which contained the question: "Which animal gives birth to the largest baby?" The correct answer was obviously "Blue Whale", but for some reason my friend Kelly's team decided to go with "Giraffe".

Me: Oh Kel, did you confuse biggest baby with biggest neck?
Kelly: I thought it was Blue Whale, but then I thought the question probably meant "which mammal".
Me: (pause) Erm, pretty sure the Blue Whale is a mammal Kel.

And in the end Kelly's team won. Which shows just how bad I am a competitive games.

I did find out that I'm oddly skilled at blowing a ping-pong ball across a line of upturned bottles and into a shot glass though. Don't ask.

The Lynx Effect

I work in Marketing. I get that male orientated health and beauty products need to be aspirational. Hence Gillette have the Mach3 and the Stealth and the Turbo.

Lynx are normally good at coming up with these names. Phoenix. Dark Temptation. Impulse. They're names with numerous connotations.

And then there's "Music Star".

I get that being a famous musician is aspirational to a lot of young men, in the same way that being a film star or a footballer might be. But is that the something you want to associate with a body spray?

I know musicians. When they've been on stage performing, they're hot, sweaty and sticky. There's nothing wrong with this, and God knows I'd be drenched in sweat if I'd've been performing on a hot stage for an hour. But does that have the right implications for a deoderant?

Maybe it's just me, but when I put on deoderant after I shower I want to associate it with:
- Not sweating
- Smelling nice

Maybe I'm wrong, but "Music Star" just sounds like the byproduct of a lazy marketing meeting.

"OK, guys, we need a new name. Something like Spartan or Warrior but not as obvious. What do kids want to be these days?"
"Err...music stars?"
"Screw it, that'll do."

Seriously, bad, bad name.

Just saying.

There's no place like home

I'm ambivalent about "Misfits".


I want to like it a bit more than I do. Partly because I know it's target audience is significantly younger than me (the early twenties market I wish I was still in), and partly because it's filmed in Thamesmead where I grew up.


Now, when I grew up there, there were always parts of town that were rough. And I know that since I moved away parts have got even rougher (I believe it was recently named the fraud capital of Europe).  However, it's both sad and entertaining to see the way it's portrayed as a dystopian-ghetto in Misfits.


But hey, that's not a new thing, as anyone who's seen "A Clockwork Orange" knows.


Still, there's no place like home, is there?

Suddenly I See

So this week I was treated to an incredible music experience - seeing KT Tunstall live in The Union chapel in Islington. 


It was incredible for two reasons: 1) She was absolutely amazing, and 2) the venue was gorgeous. If you've never heard of it (and let's face it, if you live outside of The big smoke, why would you have?) it a converted church, where the altar has become the stage and the pews are the audience. The acoustics are outstanding and the atmosphere is almost indescribable. If you ever get the chance, definitely go and see something there.


The first of the support acts was Rozi Plain, whose folk music wasn't entirely to my personal taste. She won me over however with her borderline-aspergers asides between songs. I saw her afterwards being completely normal, so I can only assume her whole stage personality is an act. If so, hilarious. She was followed by a guy called Sam Lewis who was a bit more my speed. Some nice chilled accoustic stuff.


Then KT Tunstall came on. Her set was brilliant and she's clearly one of the most talented musicians in the industry. Switching between the guitar and (occasionally the piano), she made incredible sounds with her loop-peddle, which she overlaid on top of each other to form a cacophony of awesome. She even did a song acapella with no microphone and we could still hear her at the back. Brilliant.


Oh, and she did a version of "The Black Horse and The Cherry Tree" which mixed with The White Stripe's "Seven Nation Army". If you can find that on YouTube, check it out.   

Jumping the dinosaur

Oh "Terra Nova", you were doing so well. Whilst somewhat lighter (and more family orientated) than "LOST", you had enough mystery to keep me going. As well as Papa Dragon...the only good thing from "Avatar". I was hoping that you had the potential to get darker as the season went on. 


But then you've gone and given the annoying little girl a pet dinosaur. What is this, an eighties cartoon? No-one wants to see Godzuki on this show!


Fingers crossed the dinosaur gets killed in the next episode. But not before mauling to death the youngest daughter.


Now THAT would be dark. 

Quote of the Week IV: A New(ish) Hope

This weeks "Quote of the Week" came from my friend Al's take on the absolute awfulness of The Only Way is Essex.


"I just don't see what's interesting about that show. There's nothing there. In fact, I'd be more interested in watching a show called 'The Only Way TO Essex' about the lives of the people who work at Liverpool Street station.'


It was very reem.

Travolta Fail

So after years and years of hearing it was the worst film ever, I finally saw "Battlefield Earth".


I'm not even going to joke about it too much, as it just made me feel dirty. My friend assures me the book is better, but I'll be damned if I'm going to read it now. 


As bad films go, it's nowhere near as brilliant as "The Room". Frankly, I was bored.


Although perhaps the reason the aliens aren't intimidating is because they're supposed to be giants but just end up looking like really tall drag-queens. Not that drag queens can't be intimidating, but John Travolta as a drag queen can't be intimidating.


Just saying.

Surprised!

This weekend mostly revolved around my friend Laura's surprise 30th Birthday party. After making my house the staging area for visitors on Friday night - we had a house full of secret guests she didn't know were coming down - it was also one of the main storage facilities for the veritable plethora of food that Laura's husband had bought for the evening.


So on Saturday the big night came and went off without a hitch. Despite a bit of a desperate panic that Laura was going to arrive before her parents and daughter, everything went smoothly, and I even got to practice my acting skills by having a fake phone call ("oh hi no-one") as a reason to let the people upstairs know that Laura had arrived - A Level Drama represent-yo.


So, all-in-all, a great evening. 


On an unrelated note, I found out that whilst drunk I know all the words to House of Pain's "Jump Around". Not embarrassing at all then. 

The Killing Fields

I mentioned about a month ago that I had been watching "The Killing". Due to Sky Plus box malfunctions I've only just got around to finishing the first Season.

And what a season it was. Gripping, tense, intriguing, well-plotted and brilliantly acted. Michelle Forbes gave the stand out performance, but the whole cast was amazing.

I'll do my best to remain spoiler free as I know a lot of people missed it first time around but what an epic cliffhanger. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.

I'm chomping at the bit now for season two.

If you did miss this first time around I thoroughly recommend checking it out.

The Future's Dark

So am I the only one vaguely disturbed by the adverts for Siri, Apple's new artificial intelligence (because let's face it, that's what it is).

Coming off as Skynet's Grandfather whilst still in the prime of his youth, Siri will answer your questions and perform your commands. It's a brilliant idea, which in no way will end badly, because apparently the people at Apple have never seen a science fiction movie.

"Siri, open the pod bay doors"
"I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that"

Just Saying.

Quote of the Week III: Electric Boogaloo

After "Quote of the Week" and "Quote of the Week: Redux", I would be somewhat remiss if I didn't throw down a quote for this week. So here goes.

Props for this one go to my buddy Steve for a conversation he had with his younger sister Stephanie. (Yes, Steve and Stephanie, that actually happened):

Steph: Where was the Berlin Wall?
Steve: Berlin.
Steph: I know, but where's Berlin? Is it in China?
Steve: (sighing) You've been to Berlin.

And who says our education system is failing?

Mind Enema

Sigh.

I finished "A Feast for Crows" (to give it it's flawed yet correct title) a few days ago. I'm now waiting for the next time I see one of my two friends who've already read "A Dance With Dragons" so that they can lend it to me. It's agonising.

More agonising than trudging through "Feast" (which in my opinion was way weaker than "A Storm of Swords") only to find out that I have to wait for the next book to catch up on Tyrion's escapades.

In the meantime, I'm settling into some of the True Blood books, as I really enjoy the series. So far they are MUCH lighter (and crapper) than the TV show. But after being immersed in the "Song of Ice and Fire" series for so long, it's actually quite pleasant to read something that requires no brain power to process.

It's like an enema for my mind.

It pays to be original

"Tucker and Dale vs Evil" is one of the most original films in a long time, and awesome for it. In the same way that "Shaun of the Dead" posed the question: What would normal London layabouts do in the face of a zombie outbreak? Tucker and Dale asks: What if the villainous hillbillies from slasher movies weren't villainous at all.

And so you have the eponymous Tucker and Dale, two likable red necks who have invested in a dilapidated holiday home, which to them looks like a fixer upper but to the "normal" college students who they run into, looks like Satan's playground.

The mistaken identity continues when the skinny chick from 30 Rock (Katrina Bowden) nearly drowns and Dale (Tyler Labine - the chubby one from Reaper) and Tucker (Alan Tudyk - Wash from Firefly and Pirate Steve from Dodgeball) rescue her. Her idiot friends think that the hillbillies have kidnapped her, and try to stage a rescue, but due to a series of accidents all end up deader than Mel Gibson's career. And this, of course, only makes Tucker and Dale look more evil...

It's a lot of fun, and the escalating death scenes of the college kids pan out like a Final Destination that's played for laughs. The cast are great, and it's nice that although the stars are all recognisable, they're all C-List giving the whole thing more credibility. The film works by inverting the traditional horror conventions, whilst keeping some entertaining scares, some over-the-top gore and lots of laughs.

The perfect example that with a strong central conceit and a good cast you can make a decent movie on a low budget.

Zombie Cardio

So I'm caught up with Season Two of The Walking Dead (by UK standards anyway), which for the uninitiated amongst you means I'm up to Episode Two.

So far it's been a good start, although Episode Two was much weaker than Episode One. Maybe that's just because Episode One got off to such a kick arse start with the herd of walkers (spoiler alert, sorry), all the way through to the EPIC cliffhanger ending (which I'll purposely not spoil).

The only thing that jarred slightly is the fact that in this season the zombies seem to be a lot faster than last time. Not sure if they've been hitting the cross-trainer or have been warming up on the running machine, but their cardio has improved greatly. Which is a real shame, because one of the things I liked most about the first season was the fact that they had Romero zombies rather than Snyder zombies. Yeah, fast zombies provide a more immediate threat, but I like the idea that zombies are slow, silent and surround you. The terror shouldn't be that you can't outrun them, the terror should come from the fact that they corner you, and then lumber slowly towards you like something out of your nightmare. Either way, the annoyance comes from the fact that the producers have seemingly changed the rules of their universe between seasons. Somewhat inconsistent.

That aside, it's still a wonderfully slow (the pacing not the zombie) and it's great to see a show that takes its time. All in all an incredibly tense spectacle. The character interactions are believable and the scenes where the zombies are attacking have me on the edge of my seat.

In my humble opinion, it's been the second best show on television this year. Because let's face it, nothing will be better than Game of Thrones.

Benefits with Friends

I really didn't expect to like "Friends with Benefits", primarily because going into it I feared it would follow all the cinematic cliches in the book for Rom-Coms. Then, once it started, I thought that there might be some hope yet...

Justin Timblerlake and Mila Kunis are friends who decide to see if they can have a sexual relationship without it getting in the way of their friendship. Things get complicated, feelings get involved, blah, blah, blah.

The film starts strongly (with Andy Samberg and Emma Stone making neat little cameos dumping Kunis and Timberlake) and for perhaps the first hour, there was lots of laughs and I thought that the film might do something original and defy convention. At one point Kunis is screaming at a Katherine Hiegl poster, berating it for lying to her about true love. And if the whole film had kept that tone, it would definitely have been edgier and may even have been exceptional.

But this is Hollywood, so of course it then needed to fall in line with rom-com conventions. And once that started happening the film got boring, the laughter stopped and I got sorely disappointed.

Good start, poor end.

Bad Horror Movies

So on Saturday, I ended up watching some bad horror movies with some friends. The highlight being "Night of the Demons", starring Shannon Elizabeth and Edward Furlong.


Needless to say it was badly acted, poorly scripted and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Edward Furlong has not aged well since T2 though.


But hey, it's not Hallowe'en without a bad horror movie, right?

Quote of the Week: Redux

This week's "Quote of the Week" came from a conversation with my wife Jane.

Each month, when Jane's girlie magazine arrives (be it Glamour or Red), we play twenty questions with the aim of the game being for me to work out who is on the front cover that month. Normally Jane can only respond with Yes or No answers.

Jane: OK, guess who's on the cover this month
Me: Erm, is she an actress?
Jane: (Long Pause) Barely.
Me: Is it Kristen Stewart?
Jane: Yes.

MI4 Rises...

...in my estimation at least.

Not because it has The Cruiser in it. Not because it features Simon Pegg. Not because they’ve roped in Jeremy “Hawkeye” Renner. But because they’ve announced that they’re going to be showing a prologue for “The Dark Knight Rises” before “MI4”.
Now I’m sure I could watch it online within days of its release without having to fork out for a film that I had only a passing interest in, but that’s not the point. It’s fraking Batman. It needs to be seen on the big screen. Seeing Thor’s hammer at the end of Iron Man 2 wouldn’t have had the same impact if I saw it for the first time on my laptop.
Either way, it’s a good move by the studio to get bums on seats for a film whose success would’ve been questionable. It’s just a shame that I’m more interested in the “extra feature” at the beginning than the film itself. And let’s face it, even if MI4 is amazing, after a scene-setter for the final Nolan Bat-feature, it’s going to look pretty shoddy.
Just saying.

Buffy Ye Olde Vampyre Slayer

So apparently, Joss Whedon is doing Shakespeare now.

Firstly, awesome. Secondly, where has he found the time whilst he's filming The Avengers?

It seems the play he has settled on is "Much Ado About Nothing" and he's cast Buffy/Angel alumni Alexis "Wesley" Denisof and Amy "Fred" Acker. Oh and other Whedonverse stars include Reed Diamond (awesome porn name), Fran Kranz and Tom Lenk. And who can forget Nathan Fillion (certainly not my wife).

I look forward to this with baited breath. Though obviously not as much as The Avengers.

Red Alert

I'm a massive Kevin Smith fan. I love the View Askewniverse, I modelled my retail career on the film Clerks, I love his comic books ("Quiver" was what made Green Arrow relevant again) and I've even seen him live.


Which is why his last few films have been a bit of a disappointment. Jersey Girl was too bland, Clerks 2 was rehashing old ground (but I liked the old ground so I didn't mind that much) and Cop Out was just a bit dull (but he didn't write it so no wonder).

So it is with great delight that I can report on just how much I enjoyed Red State. A complete departure from Smith's earlier work, it's edgy (by God is it edgy), it keeps you guessing and has some genuinely uncomfortable moments.

I won't reveal too much about the plot, beyond the fact it's being marketed as a horror - which is somewhat misleading as I'm not sure that I could pin it down to any one (or five) genres. John Goodman is brilliant as always and Melissa Leo (who's clearly in everything now) is squirm-inducingly excellent.

A thoroughly gripping watch which proves that Smith can be versatile as a director. Like Clerks was, it's edgy, but in an entirely different way. Smith seems to do his best work when he sticks to his indie roots. 

More of this please Kevin.

Alpha Dog

In the wake of "Heroes" (great season one, awful season four - totally cancelled), "No Ordinary Family" (OK, but totally cancelled) and "The Cape" (diabolical, and thankfully also cancelled), I was somewhat surprised to learn that there was another "what if real people had powers" TV show on the block.

And so we have "Alphas", where a middle aged, experienced professor leads a team of young people with superpowers on missions to protect the world (or America, which in TV terms, is the world). So far, so X-Men right? Err...right. Wish I could say that it's not that, but it seems that making a carbon copy of X-Men is exactly what the producers are aiming for. Sure it's more grounded in reality than the comic, but the premise is identical.

On the plus side, it does have David Strathairn as said professor. He's clearly taken some time out from wishing us "Goodnight and Good Luck" to make some cash through a "sell-out" TV show. And good for him I say. God knows, I'd sell out if it was me.

As for "Alphas", I'll give it a few more before I pass judgement.

Quizzed to death

Another Monday, another quiz night.


This time we came fourth (again). Fail.


On average we seem to be getting worse not better, although the fact there wasn't a film round did hurt us a lot.


Still I got a question about Dick Turpin right, so it can't be all bad.


The next one's not until December, so here's hoping there's a Christmas round. As, I may have mentioned once or twice before, I do love Christmas...

Through the Ringer

So I'm still persevering with Ringer, primarily because it means that I get to keep make puns based around the word "Ringer".

Three episodes in and it's just holding my interest, however with The Walking Dead starting back now it may fall off the radar. I'm beginning to find Sarah Michelle Gellar annoying, which is a shame as I really liked Buffy. Plus, I can't quite understand why Hornblower (and he is Hornblower, except when he's Mr Fantastic) has put up with her all this time.

And then there's the ending epilogues, which each week sees the "evil" twin taking phone calls in Paris only to tell the person on the other line "she's ruining THE PLAN. We must KILL HER." It's beginning to turn into a real life version of Inspector Gadget. If "Evil" twin starts screaming "I'll get you next time Bridget!" I'm out right there.

That's not true, that'd probably pull me back in.

Jurassic Classic

So I was fairly ambivalent about "Terra Nova". On the one hand it was billed as LOST meets Jurassic Park, which are two things I like. On the other it did look a bit like Dinotopia, and it had the guy from the pretty dire American remake of "Life on Mars" in the lead. The good news is he's much better in this.

I've now watched four episodes, and whilst I'm a little concerned they're going to drag out the overarching story for an extremely protracted length of time, so far it's interesting enough to keep me involved.

Sure, the guy from Avatar is playing a nicer version of his character from Avatar. Sure the fact it's got kids and teenagers in it means it could be a little too "family" and not edgy enough. Sure the teenage boy's love interest is INCREDIBLY annoying. But it's got charm (and CGI Dinosaurs) so I'll stick with it for a bit.

Plus on a personal note, I think all of the British characters are actually played by Brits, which I always prefer.

Quote of the Week

This week's "Quote of the Week" came from my friend Jen (who had plied me with wine and was responsible for the Singstar travesty I mentioned yesterday).

For some reason, several of us were involved in a drunken conversation that had turned to the subject of Joss Stone. Jen abruptly interupted with the following: 

"I want to take Joss Stone's face and smash it into Keira Knightley".

If that's not an amazing image for a Saturday morning, I don't know what is.  

Would the real Awesome Wez please sit down

So last weekend, after several glasses of wine, it was decided that it was Singstar time.

Now I'll set my stall out early by saying I'm a better rapper than I am a singer, and I'm frankly not a very good rapper. Yet despite this, after several drinks I seem to think I'm Freddie Mercury reincarnated. Without all the drugs and gay sex...well only on weekends.

My problem is that I sing off key (which is pretty much the problem for all bad singers, right?) Normally, if I decide to do Karaoke I can get away with it somewhat by singing loudly with confidence, almost tricking people into thinking I have a better voice than I do. However, there's no tricking Singstar. Stupid machine.

Hence my friends were treated to my William Shatner version of "Walking in Memphis". Spoken word is the way forward.

Burn baby burn

The thing I like about Burn Notice (besides the fact that it's got THE Bruce Campbell in it), is that it's episodic and an easy watch.

Whilst there's a different ongoing story-arc every season, you can watch one episode and know that whoever Michael's client is, they'll have a happy ending and the bad guys will get punished.

In a world full of Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire and The Walking Dead (all of which I love but require diligent watching), it's nice to have some light, casual entertainment.

Let's just Step back

So after all is said and done, I'm actually rooting for Steps.


Well Faye and Lee who seemed to come across the best in the documentary. They both actually seemed really likeable, even if Lee did seem to enjoy punishing H a bit too much. But hey, revenge is something I can respect.


Claire didn't seem to show enough remorse about it for my mind, and Lisa was too quick to fall back into old habits of arguing about who was singing what song. And H, well he was less annoying than he was 15 years ago.


Can't believe I've blogged about Steps twice now. Apologies to all who found this too mainstream - I'll return to esoteric musings about comic books tomorrow.

Have I mentioned the book?

In case I haven't mentioned it, I currently have a book out.


A couple of people have said that they would like to download "A Nightmare at the Movies" but can't as they don't have a Kindle...


Have no fear, the answer is at hand!


You can download a Kindle app for your iPhone/iPad/iPod touch/Android phone or you can download the Kindle Reader for your PC or Mac (all of this is free)!


Instructions for downloading to your PC or Mac can be found here.


Enjoy!

Dead Ringer

So after watching episode two of "Ringer" we've decided to give it one more before we pass final judgement.

I can't work out if the story is going to be enough to carry an entire series, let along multiple series.

So far, I'm thinking no, but we'll see.

A Game For Thrones

After my post the other day, I just wanted to point out that I do know that the corect title of Book 4 of "A Song of Ice and Fire" is "A Feast for Crows". The reason I keep caling it "A Feast of Crows", is because all of the earlier books had an of in the title:

"A Game of Thrones"
"A Clash of Kings"
"A Storm of Swords"

I just like things to follow patterns. Maybe that's just the OCD talking...

Step into the groove

I’m somewhat worried by the way that the “Step Reunion” documentary has completely sucked me in.

I was too old to be a fan when they first came out (and let’s face it, their music was pretty crap), but it’s impossible to have been alive in the late nineties and early noughties without being aware of just how massive a cultural phenomenon they were.

Well it seems that they’re still going to be singing the same old mediocre generic pop, except now there’s an added element of nostalgia to it all. Maybe they’ll even let Lee sing some lines.

All in all, I can’t say that they don’t make music like that anymore because they clearly do.

Oh and Lisa Scott Lee seems to have some weird face stuff going on now. Just saying.

Clashing Kings

I am a massive geek. If you didn’t know that you probably won’t be reading my blog anyway. However my geekiness has scaled to new heights this week with the sheer excitement that I’m instilled with over the casting decisions of Game of Thrones season two, which, as I may have mentioned once or twice, is the best show on TV.

For those of you who haven’t cheated (like me) and started reading the George R. R. Martin books that are already in print, I won’t spoil anything by revealing plot details. What I will say is this:

• Stannis looks great
• I’m really excited about Davos, as I thought Liam Cunningham was ace in the hugely underrated “Outcasts”
• Melissandre and Ygritte both look the part, which is especially cool for me as Ygritte is one of my favourite characters
• Craster and Gilly look almost exactly as I imagined them
• Brienne is way too pretty (I hope they ugly her up)
• Balon and Asha (or whatever they’ve renamed her to) aren’t quite what I pictured, but let’s see

Oh and Margaery Tyrell’s eyes are oddly small in her head. It makes her look like a crafty ferret.

I can’t believe there’s still about six months until this is going to hit our screens. At least I have the books...nearly finished a Feast of Crows now...