RE: Autoreply

Nope, still hungover.


Maybe tomorrow then.

Autoreply

Awesome Wez cannot come to the blog right now as he is currently hungover and bloated from all the mince pies and chocolate he's eaten. 


Please check back later.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Geeks! 


Hope you all have a fabulous time whatever you are doing.

The Christmas Eve Film Fest

Every year on Christmas Eve, Jane and I watch our favourite festive films and today will be no different.


We kick things off with Trading Places, which holds up against the test of time, except for the fact that casual racism was clearly a lot more acceptable back in the eighties.


This is followed by Home Alone, which is probably only entertaining to adults if you were a kid when it came out. I was so I'm set. Plus there's nothing more Christmassy than a grown man being shot in the groin with an air gun.


Third up is Die Hard, which IS a Christmas movie and a brilliant one at that. Hands down my favourite ever action movie, by the time "Let it Snow" starts playing you can't help but feel in the Christmas spirit, especially whilst surrounded by dead terrorists.


Finally we have Scrooged, with the excellent Bill Murray tackling on of my favourite stories (A Christmas Carol) in what has to be my favourite adaptation. Karen Allen's smile reminds me of the Joker, which is both fun and terrifying at the same time (much like the Joker himself I suppose).


So that's our day...what are you doing? 

Hitting a club

On last night's work Christmas do, I ended up in a nightclub. I haven't really been clubbing for years (and not serious since I've been in a long term relationship - which is coming up for 8 years now). So I was just about 20/21 when I was clubbing regularly.

Going to a club now made me feel:
a) Old
b) Glad I was in a relationship
c) Old
d) Sorry for anyone who was trying to meet someone in a club
And did I mention old.

I'm not sure if it was the horny teenagers stinking of jaagermeister, sweat and desperation or the really poor music choices (apparently repeating a chorus of "don't piss me off" is a big thing, who knew?)

Either way, it was kinda fun to see how the other half live. Pathetically it seems.

Fear and Loathing in Canterbury

So tonight is my first official night out with my new work colleagues. I've been told heavy drinking is on the menu.


Here's hoping I don't do anything to embarrass myself too much. I would guess a lot of it would depend on the type of alcohol I'm drinking. As I've said before, different drinks have very different effects on me.


Fingers crossed I'll still have a job tomorrow...

Holding Out

Why has no-one covered Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For A Hero"? Heard it yesterday on the advert for Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe (BTW looks Awesome). It stands up.


Musicians out there, take note.

The Dinosaur is gone

So, credit where it's due on Terra Nova. I was worried that the pet dinosaur was going to become a regular feature, but they've got rid of it now. True, there's still lot's of boring stuff with the family going on...this week, the teenage girl couldn't do her homework (the horror!) so she went on a trading mission to get a new battery so that she could. It's like the "Sawyer needs glasses" episode of LOST. Just creating something remotely amusing to keep characters occupied.


Conversely, the main storyline where they discovered the Sixer spy was the most interesting thing that's happened so far in the season. Added to that, Lucas going back through the portal to wreak havok and the season finale is shaping up to be a good ride.


We'll see next week I guess. 

Panicking

Watching Panic room again is weird because I'd forgotten Kristen Stewart was in it.


Probably the best performance she's given, which largely revolves around her slipping into a diabetic coma.


Shame that didn't happen in Twilight.

One Week to Go!

Only one week to go before my favourite day of the year.


As you can tell I'm very excited...


CHRISTMAS BABY!

Still stuck for Christmas?

If you haven't finished your Christmas shopping you've only got a week left.


If you're stuck for ideas and know a loved one with a Kindle, PC, Mac, iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad or Smart Phone, then why not get them a delightful horror-adventure story for the festive season.


I know one from an up-and-coming author that can be downloaded here:


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nightmare-at-Movies-ebook/dp/B005R41I7S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323953428&sr=8-1&fb_source=message


Just saying.

Elf Help

Went to see Arthur Christmas the other night, purely because the missus and I were both feeling festive.


It's great fun with a solid voice cast including Bill Nighy, James MacAvoy, Hugh Laurie and Jim Broadbent. The plot revolves around the titular Arthur's quest to bring a present to a little girl who has somehow been missed off of the Christmas Eve present run. Of course, hilarity ensues and all the characters learn some valuable life lessons...


It really is a Christmas film and may not be to everyone's taste but I thoroughly enjoyed it. As I may have mentioned once or twice before, I'm partial to all things Christmas so this was right up my street and left me with a warm glow afterwards.


Family friendly festive fun...

Using the C Word

44 Inch Chest is a tense thriller, with an exceptional cast. What makes it even better is that it's:
a) British
b) Set in London
c) A cockney gangster film that doesn't feature Danny Dyer

The film is actually about men, their relationships with each other and how they want to be perceived by each other. There's a mix of the old geezer set in his ways (John Hurt), the mother's boy (Tom Wilkinson) and the gay playboy (a scene-stealing Ian McShane - no mean feat with this line up - giving a positive unstereotypical portrayal of a London gay man. The fact he's gay is secondary to the fact he's a hard nut, in a similar vein to McShane's character in Sexy Beast.) At the centre of it all is Ray Winstone, broken by the fact that the wife he adores is cheating on him and deciding whether or not to kill the man she's sleeping with.

The film flits between reality and Winston's head, and the story itself is actually a bit light, but all this falls away when you're confronted with some truly electrifying performances.

You just need to get past the fact that every other word is the C word and you're in for a treat.

Come join the Warner Brothers...

I've been thinking a lot about "The Animaniacs" lately. Don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you. They've just been on my mind.

The thing I keep dwelling on, is that a part of me thinks that the Animaniacs may have been preparing my generation for Guantanamo Bay. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

Look at the Warner Brothers (Wacko and Yacko) and the Warner sister, Dot. For decades, the WB Studio Execs kept them locked up (without trial) in the water tower on the Warner movie lot. Eventually, they escape, only to be chased down by a (albeit incompetent) authority figure. Why were they locked up? Just because they were unconventional. They were entertainers, they were mischievous, they stood up to authority. And then they were locked away for an undetermined amount of time.

And as a generation we were supposed to be OK with this? Maybe we were being prepared for a future where people could be held indefinitely under terror laws?

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. It's not that unusual.

Oh, and don't even get me started on Pinky and The Brain...

Hindsight is 20/20

In hindsight, after sleeping on it and thinking it over, was I being too harsh on The Dilemma in yesterday's review?

No.

The only Dilemma is how quickly to turn it off

I watch a LOT of films. If you know me personally or through reading this blog, you know that already. And in most cases, even if I'm really not enjoying a film, I'll watch it to the end.


So. The Dilemma. Short story: I didn't make it to the end. 


It's a comedy-drama that neither funny nor especially dramatic. My best friend's wife is cheating on him HA HA HA! It's hilarious. I've been stung by a poisonous plant, so now it's painful to pee - HAHAHAHAHA!  


I got about 40 minutes in before I had to stop. What's even worse is that it's a Ron Howard film, so he should know what he's doing. It's terribly misjudged, Winona Ryder's voice is so weird she sounds like Gizmo from Gremlins, and really you would only find this funny if you had been exposed to the Joker's laughing gas or were in the middle of a psychotic break.


Worst film of the year? Possibly.

The American (F**K Yeah)

It's a somewhat bombastic title, for a really slow, underplayed film.


Not to say I didn't enjoy it, but I watched it about three weeks ago and have only just got around to reviewing it.


It stars George Clooney as a hitman, forced to do "one last job" whilst hiding out in a remote part of Italy. Whilst there he befriends a Priest and falls in love with a prostitute (who likes metaphors?) all the while worried that his enemies are closing in on him.


I did actually enjoy this, but it is very slow. If are prepared for a "thinker" rather than lots of explosions then you'll get more out of it. Not to say there's not violence, because there is. Clooney is really good though, it seems like an age since he was only famous for being the attractive Doctor in ER. He's probably one of the best talents in Hollywood now.  

I've got a feeling...

...that tonight's gonna be a good night.


Because it's my annual Belgo Christmas Meal, which involves me and my friends heading to our favourite Belgian restaurant for much beer, mussels, beer, steak, beer, lobster, beer and schnapps. Oh and maybe a beer.


What originally started as a small group of 8 has escalated to 26 people, so the bill it sure to be pretty heavy. Plus there's a beer the waiter mockingly calls "The Night Finisher", which is about 13%.


Still, always one of the best nights of the year (when I can remember it).

Me from last year, drunkenly playing with a lobster claw. 

That happened, and my friends let it happen.

Disney Does Dickens

Due to a barrage of busy Christmases, I never saw Disney's A Christmas Carol when it came out at the cinema nor when it was released on DVD. I've only just caught it as it hit my Sky Box (really not a euphemism).


Based on the classic Dicken's text, which incidentally is one of my favourite stories, this motion capture version sees Jim Carrey play Scrooge along with all the ghosts, ably supported by Colin firth and Gary Oldman.


It's good fun and they've kept to a lot of the original text. Where it goes off the rails is the scenes between Carrey delivering the classic lines, which involves (but isn't limited to) Scrooge being shrunk and chased around London by the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. It's weird and unnecessary, and feels like it's only in there because the animators wanted to show off the cool stuff they could do.


As versions of A Christmas Carol go, it's nowhere near as Scrooged, which I'll be watching on Christmas Eve, as I do every year.

Unique to my generation

There’s a couple of things about Christmas that are unique to my generation. First of all, we don’t really think it’s Christmas until I’ve heard the line “you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot”. God I love Fairytale of New York.

Maybe it’s unique to me, but I also have to hear East 17’s Stay Another Day. I then replace the “Stay Now” melody with the words “Stain Her”. It amuses me at least.

God I love Christmas, and it’s getting closer…

I did warn you

So in my excitement for Christmas, which is getting increasingly closer, I've begun a gauntlet of Christmas films.

I tend to do it every year, and it usually contains (but is not limited to) Elf, Gremlins, Christmas with the Kranks, a version of A Christmas Carol and if Jane gets her way, Santa Claus: The Movie.

The whole thing culminates on Christmas Eve with Trading Places, Home Alone, Die Hard and Scrooged; with the grand finale being my all time favourite film It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Day.

Good times.

Poor Lorraine

Following on from Sunday's Adele shout out, I thought I'd share a secret of mine.

Whenever Adele sings "I set fire to the rain", I imagine she's singing "I set fire to Lorraine".

I've given the whole thing a complex backstory, where Adele and Lorraine were best friends, until Lorraine stole Adele's boyfriend. The only recourse left for Adele was to try and win her bloke back, and in her grief-stricken state, she thought that if she burnt his house down, he'd be forced to come live with her. Unfortunately her boyfriend was working nights at a petrol garage, but Lorraine (who had recently been kicked out by her parents) was staying at his house. She suffered third degree burns over 40% of her body, and the police could never tie Adele to the crime.

If I didn't have thoughts like this, I imagine I'd get a lot more done.

Quote of the Week VII: Adrian's Revenge

This week's Quote of the Week, is rather topical, and will be censored for those younger readers.

Anyone in the UK must have been living under a rock if they had missed the public sector strike, followed by an ill-timed joke from Tory posterboy Jeremy Clarkson. There's a debate to be had on whether he was joking (he clearly was), whether he should be fired for it (in an ideal world no, but he should at least suffer the same punishment as Ross and Brand, a precedent set by the BBC) and whether Britain can't take a joke (unfortunately, it's clearly getting to the point where we can't). I don't like Clarkson, I don't enjoy Top Gear and I think he's an arse; but he was clearly just joking.

Anyway, of the back off all this, my friend made the following comment, which made me laugh and I agreed with entirely:

"I always thought Clarkson was a c***, and now everyone will think I'm just jumping on the bandwagon."

Truer and truer.

Adele

Why is Adele everywhere?


Not that i don't like her music, I actually do, but it just seems like you can't turn on the radio in London without hearing her on one of the stations.


Maybe she's made a deal with Crowley the Crossroads Demon (esoteric reference) that at any given point she must always be being played on a station somewhere in the capital.


Maybe that's just too far-fetched. I guess we'll see in ten years.

I can't be that old

Two days ago I was bemoaning that my switch from Radio 1 to Radio 2 had signalled my departure from youth. Evidence to the contrary today when I heard the term "Fiscal Stimulus Package" on the radio and I couldn't help but snigger.


That sounds like some weird sexual deviancy, doesn't it? Or maybe that's just me.


Either way, I'm clearly not THAT grown up yet. 

Gigtastic

So it's been a while since I've seen my friend Alex's band "My Heroine" do a proper gig, partly because I seen them rehearse a few times and partly because a couple of gigs I'd been planning on going to had been cancelled for various reasons. In fact, the last time I saw them at a gig was back in June, when I "borrowed" someone's Mohawk hat, but that's another story.


I really love live music, but am incredibly lazy when it comes to organising myself to go and see and band, so the fact that these guys are my friends gives me the added incentive to get my lazy arse off of the sofa and go to see them. The drawback of the gig was that it was in Chelmsford (I felt like I was cheating on Kent), but the fact that the girls are so awesome more than made up for it. Their set list seems to be growing all the time and even in the few months since I last saw them they've really stepped up their game when it comes to their stage presence. 


Admittedly, I'm slightly biased, but I really think that there will be big things on the horizon for them in 2012.


Oh and I finished the night by practising a new card trick and blowing some people's minds. I've really got back into card tricks lately, no idea why.  

Getting older

I'm throwing in the towel now, I'm officially old.


Since I started my new job I've been driving to and from work every day, and as I now work in the Kent countryside there's only a limited number of radio stations that I can pick up. So largely my choice has become Radio 1 or Radio 2 and I now find myself picking Radio 2 every time.


Partly because I can't stand Chris Moyles, but primarily because the music on Radio 1 sounds crap to me now. 


Someone get me a zimmerframe and some false teeth.