Red Alert

I'm a massive Kevin Smith fan. I love the View Askewniverse, I modelled my retail career on the film Clerks, I love his comic books ("Quiver" was what made Green Arrow relevant again) and I've even seen him live.


Which is why his last few films have been a bit of a disappointment. Jersey Girl was too bland, Clerks 2 was rehashing old ground (but I liked the old ground so I didn't mind that much) and Cop Out was just a bit dull (but he didn't write it so no wonder).

So it is with great delight that I can report on just how much I enjoyed Red State. A complete departure from Smith's earlier work, it's edgy (by God is it edgy), it keeps you guessing and has some genuinely uncomfortable moments.

I won't reveal too much about the plot, beyond the fact it's being marketed as a horror - which is somewhat misleading as I'm not sure that I could pin it down to any one (or five) genres. John Goodman is brilliant as always and Melissa Leo (who's clearly in everything now) is squirm-inducingly excellent.

A thoroughly gripping watch which proves that Smith can be versatile as a director. Like Clerks was, it's edgy, but in an entirely different way. Smith seems to do his best work when he sticks to his indie roots. 

More of this please Kevin.

The worst comic book movie ever?

The terms “worst movie ever” and “the most awful thing I’ve seen” are thrown around a lot nowadays, often just as a figurative explanation of something you really didn’t enjoy. They’re hardly ever used literally.

Then comes along Jonah Hex, which may literally be the worst comic book movie I’ve ever seen. I judge it so harshly because it clearly had a massive budget and some genuine star power. I mean, Elektra was awful, but it only really had Jennifer Garner and some dude from ER headlining. This had John Malkovich and Josh Brolin in it for crying out loud! Megan Fox (who seems to be a megastar somehow) is in it too, as is Will Arnett, who I genuinely think is one of the funniest people in Hollywood at the moment – God only knows why he took a straight role in this...maybe he was a fan of the comics? Here’s hoping he now makes an Arrested Development movie now as penance.

The plot is pointless and the explosive action set-pieces are just boring. Thankfully it’s not even 90 minutes, but it’s still time from my life that I’m never going to get back.

Why on Earth DC thought this was a better choice for a film adaptation than The Flash, Wonder Woman or Green Arrow is beyond me. Even Aquaman would’ve been preferable.

And as we all know, Aquaman sucks.

The next big thing?

Yesterday I was saying that DC would use Green Lantern as the watermark for green-lighting The Flash and/or Wonder Woman. But wouldn’t Green Arrow be the next logical superhero to get the big screen treatment?

Let’s look at it objectively. First of all, Christopher Nolan’s Batman series has been stupidly popular, receiving high box office figures and critical acclaim. Part of that success is down to the realism he gives all of the characters - there’s no "super" anywhere to be seen. Green Arrow could go down the gritty route, except that Green Arrow could make eighties-style wisecracks throughout. He could be a bit like Bond (before Daniel Craig made him all serious) and could go a long way toward bridging the gap between the Batman series and standard superhero fare.

Secondly, he does already have some more mainstream recognition. Anyone who has stuck with Smallville for ten seasons will know that Oliver Queen is a big part of the show (from about season 5/6 onwards anyway). Now admittedly the Smallville audience isn’t huge, but surely he’s got more of a mainstream audience than Green Lantern did? Throw in a Green Arrow related episode of The Big Bang Theory and you’re golden (or emerald).

Once you’ve factored in all of the above, cast someone like Jensen Ackles from Supernatural to play the Emerald Archer and you’ve automatically got ladies in the auditorium (as Jane reliably informs me that Ackles is "dreamy"). And to give Ackles his due, anyone who has watched Supernatural knows that he can do head-cracking and wise-cracking at the same time.

Plus, after Christian Bale said he won’t ever go near a Justice League movie, DC might want to go down the route of casting lesser-known stars that they could hold more power over (much like Marvel has started doing).

So anyway, just a thought. It’s not like I’m DC’s core audience or anything.

In Blackest Day...wait...

After a conversation in the pub last week I've been racking my brains to remember the Green Lantern's motto. Now, for a comic book geek this should be easy right? Except I've never been a particular fan of The Green Lantern. When it comes to DC, I'm all about Batman. I love the Green Arrow, can handle some Superman, quite like the Flash and can even dig Wonder Woman. But Green Lantern always left me a little cold.

Maybe it's having the ring that you can use to manifest anything you can imagine and not using it for personal gain (I always said I'd be a better villain than hero), or maybe it's the characters. Hal Jordan always just seemed annoying, John Stewart is as bland as beige paint on a Tuesday, Kyle Rayner is just a whiny bitch and Kilowog sounds like an STD. And Guy Gardner is possibly the character I like least in comics. So until "Blackest Night" (which was pretty cool) I'd never paid them that much attention.

But of course I'll go and see the film (just to know) and will need to know the motto if only to impress (read: bore), whomever I drag out with me. So here goes:

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, No Evil Shall Escape My Sight.
Let All Who Worship Evil's Might. Beware My Power, Green Lantern's Light.

Got it. And it's only taken me about five days.

And yes all words do need to be capitalised, because it's a motto (that's how it works right? Don't ask me, it's not as if I'm a writer...)

Anyway now I feel smug and superior and even more of a loser than I normally do. Sometimes achievement really is a double edged sword...which is also something that Hal Jordan never had the imagination to use on Sinestro.

Stupid Power Ring.