The worst comic book movie ever?

The terms “worst movie ever” and “the most awful thing I’ve seen” are thrown around a lot nowadays, often just as a figurative explanation of something you really didn’t enjoy. They’re hardly ever used literally.

Then comes along Jonah Hex, which may literally be the worst comic book movie I’ve ever seen. I judge it so harshly because it clearly had a massive budget and some genuine star power. I mean, Elektra was awful, but it only really had Jennifer Garner and some dude from ER headlining. This had John Malkovich and Josh Brolin in it for crying out loud! Megan Fox (who seems to be a megastar somehow) is in it too, as is Will Arnett, who I genuinely think is one of the funniest people in Hollywood at the moment – God only knows why he took a straight role in this...maybe he was a fan of the comics? Here’s hoping he now makes an Arrested Development movie now as penance.

The plot is pointless and the explosive action set-pieces are just boring. Thankfully it’s not even 90 minutes, but it’s still time from my life that I’m never going to get back.

Why on Earth DC thought this was a better choice for a film adaptation than The Flash, Wonder Woman or Green Arrow is beyond me. Even Aquaman would’ve been preferable.

And as we all know, Aquaman sucks.

The next big thing?

Yesterday I was saying that DC would use Green Lantern as the watermark for green-lighting The Flash and/or Wonder Woman. But wouldn’t Green Arrow be the next logical superhero to get the big screen treatment?

Let’s look at it objectively. First of all, Christopher Nolan’s Batman series has been stupidly popular, receiving high box office figures and critical acclaim. Part of that success is down to the realism he gives all of the characters - there’s no "super" anywhere to be seen. Green Arrow could go down the gritty route, except that Green Arrow could make eighties-style wisecracks throughout. He could be a bit like Bond (before Daniel Craig made him all serious) and could go a long way toward bridging the gap between the Batman series and standard superhero fare.

Secondly, he does already have some more mainstream recognition. Anyone who has stuck with Smallville for ten seasons will know that Oliver Queen is a big part of the show (from about season 5/6 onwards anyway). Now admittedly the Smallville audience isn’t huge, but surely he’s got more of a mainstream audience than Green Lantern did? Throw in a Green Arrow related episode of The Big Bang Theory and you’re golden (or emerald).

Once you’ve factored in all of the above, cast someone like Jensen Ackles from Supernatural to play the Emerald Archer and you’ve automatically got ladies in the auditorium (as Jane reliably informs me that Ackles is "dreamy"). And to give Ackles his due, anyone who has watched Supernatural knows that he can do head-cracking and wise-cracking at the same time.

Plus, after Christian Bale said he won’t ever go near a Justice League movie, DC might want to go down the route of casting lesser-known stars that they could hold more power over (much like Marvel has started doing).

So anyway, just a thought. It’s not like I’m DC’s core audience or anything.

Green with mediocrity

So I finally saw "Green Lantern" the other night. Where to begin?

Let me start by saying that I didn't hate it - I think some of the reviews it's been getting have been overly harsh. That said, it is thoroughly predictable and doesn't offer anything new or exciting.

My main problem with it(as I knew it would be) is the over-the-top CGI. It got to the point when watching him breathe was really annoying. And when you're getting annoyed at the sight of a CGI character's unrealistic breathing, then there's something wrong with the film.

And what's wrong with the film is that it's actually quite boring. Beyond the predictable story-arc of the main character, there's the manner in which he kills the final boss, which is so telegraphed I actually groaned when he did it. Plus the mid-credits "sting" happened EXACTLY how I had just told my friend it would. Now obviously, making a by-the-numbers superhero movie is inherently going to be predictable, but after we've reached the genre-defining heights of Iron Man and The Dark Knight I've just come to expect some originality in these films.

Ryan Reynolds makes for strong lead as the Emerald Avenger, but I do think that part of his star power is also part of his problem - I always feel like I'm watching Ryan Reynolds and never the character he's playing. Blake Lively does her best to flesh out an extraordinarily one-dimensional character, and at least manages to give Carol Ferris a little of the feistiness that Lively displayed in The Town. Her and Reynolds have absolutely no chemistry though, which I'm reliably informed (by Joey from Friends) mean that they're "doing it" in real life.

Peter Sarsgaard is great as Hector Hammond, although he portrays his downfall so well that you're feeling sorry for him by the time he's in full-on villain mode. Mark Strong gives a -ahem- strong performance as Sinestro, making him just arrogant enough that if we do get to GL2 we'll believe his descent into villainy. Angela Bassett turning up as Amanda Waller suggests that if they do end up making some more of these "second tier" DC hero movies, then they may be a bigger over-arching universe. Let's face it, DC really need to catch up with Marvel in that respect.

There were some high points to the film. The first training battle between Kilowog/Jordan/Sinestro is entertaining and the only time where they fully realise the potential of what the power rings can do. Also (and this may be a British thing) but the guy who play's Jordan's best mate looks just like Moss from the IT Crowd (not Richard Ayoade, but the character Moss), which meant that whenever he was on screen I kept expecting him to say "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." Alas, that doesn't happen.

So overall, it's not really that good. I hope it does well though, as I think DC are using this as the watermark for bringing other characters like The Flash or Wonder Woman to the big screen. Which I really hope they do. There's only so many times that you can reboot Batman and Superman before I'll stop watching.

Ah, who am I kidding?

In Blackest Day...wait...

After a conversation in the pub last week I've been racking my brains to remember the Green Lantern's motto. Now, for a comic book geek this should be easy right? Except I've never been a particular fan of The Green Lantern. When it comes to DC, I'm all about Batman. I love the Green Arrow, can handle some Superman, quite like the Flash and can even dig Wonder Woman. But Green Lantern always left me a little cold.

Maybe it's having the ring that you can use to manifest anything you can imagine and not using it for personal gain (I always said I'd be a better villain than hero), or maybe it's the characters. Hal Jordan always just seemed annoying, John Stewart is as bland as beige paint on a Tuesday, Kyle Rayner is just a whiny bitch and Kilowog sounds like an STD. And Guy Gardner is possibly the character I like least in comics. So until "Blackest Night" (which was pretty cool) I'd never paid them that much attention.

But of course I'll go and see the film (just to know) and will need to know the motto if only to impress (read: bore), whomever I drag out with me. So here goes:

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, No Evil Shall Escape My Sight.
Let All Who Worship Evil's Might. Beware My Power, Green Lantern's Light.

Got it. And it's only taken me about five days.

And yes all words do need to be capitalised, because it's a motto (that's how it works right? Don't ask me, it's not as if I'm a writer...)

Anyway now I feel smug and superior and even more of a loser than I normally do. Sometimes achievement really is a double edged sword...which is also something that Hal Jordan never had the imagination to use on Sinestro.

Stupid Power Ring.

Getting ready for Thor's Day

I’ve been thinking about this summer’s big comic book movies, and Thor is far and away the one I’m looking forward to the most.

Be it the predicted tease introduction of Hawkeye, Anthony Hopkins thesping it up as Odin or the needlessly controversial appearance of Idris Elba (its 2011, surely we’ve moved beyond caring about the colour of a character’s skin?), there’s lots to look forward to. Speaking of Idris Elba, I can’t defend him enough. He was the biggest revelation in the wholly amazing “The Wire” and has recently been excellent flexing his deadpan chops in The US Office.

So for me, bring on next week.

I’ll happily watch the other three, with Captain America being the neat companion film to Thor to set up Joss Whedon’s 2012 “Avengers” movie, which I could not possibly be more excited about. Especially now it’s got How I met Your Mother’s Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill – really glad to see they’re bringing in another strong female character. Plus I do wonder if Alyson Hannigan introduced her and Joss, as she seems to be the missing link in their six-degrees of Kevin Bacon game.

Captain America’s also got some excellent looking CGI (skinny Chris Evans looks great on the trailer) and Hugo Weaving is always a top choice for a bad guy. I wouldn’t be surprised if the film ends with Captain America saving the day but in the process falling to his “death” in the frozen artic, only for the post credit sequence to be Samuel L Jackson / Robert Downey thawing him out in the present day.

X-Men: First Class is a bit of a weird one for me, as I love the X-men comics, but have yet to see a film that has properly reached it’s full potential. It’s either too much about Wolverine, or there’s too many needless characters running around (and not enough Gambit). I’m not convinced about James McAvoy as Xavier either, but am happy to be proven wrong. Michael Fassbender should be a good Magneto, and January Jones is inspired casting as Emma Frost. If any actress screamed “cold beauty” it’s her. And it’s always nice to see Kevin Bacon again.

Finally we’ve got Green Lantern, which I’m most dubious about. Partly because of the ropey trailer and partly because of the needless “complete CGI” effect when Ryan Reynolds becomes Green Lantern. I get that they want him to appear fantastical, but surely he could just have a costume! I just think it seems a bit pointless, which is exasperating as the character / Green Lantern corps have great potential for future films, and I think DC will probably red light / green light Wonder Woman and The Flash based on it’s success. And that’s a shame, as DC have got some great heroes that are worthy of their own franchises, and they need to start doing something other than Batman and Superman reboots if they’re going to keep up with Marvel, who are steaming ahead with three blockbuster films a year at the moment.

But that’s all speculation at the moment. We’ll see what Thor is like and go from there. And there’s less than a week to go until that.

Ultimately I wonder if I’ve been over-thinking all this? I say thee nay...