Drive Irritated

After the astounding awfulness of “The Room”, there was still a Shite Movie Saturday to be had, so we began working our way through the cavalcade of crap cinema that we’d accumulated in preparation of the big day.

Kicking things of was “Bitch Slap”, a lesbian heist movie that was to “Bound” what “2 Fast 2 Furious” was to “Crash”. With far too much budget than it deserved, it was effectively various interconnected scenes of three women in increasingly skimpy outfits…not that 75% of the audience minded (sorry Jane). In it’s defence it did have one of the best girl versus girl fights I’ve seen in a really long time (perhaps even since “Kill Bill”), and it had cameos by all of the main characters from Hercules and Xena, which reminded me just how bad some of the shows I used to watch when I was 14 actually were (can’t believe I used to fancy Gabrielle). But ultimately “Bitch Slap” had a curvy red head in it, so it wasn’t too hard a sell for me.

After that, we moved on to the B-Movietastic “Piranha”, which I had no problem sitting down to watch if only because it had Kelly Brook in it…who has pride of place on my top five, laminated list. Plus it had cameos from Richard Dreyfus and Christopher Lloyd, which in itself made it worth a viewing. It was what it was, but I think the fact that it reminded me of an Eighties’ creature-feature led me to enjoy it more than most. Plus, I have a smug self-satisfaction whenever I know that the framing of a particular shot within the conventions of a genre means that someone is about to come to a bloody “surprise” end. Overall, thoroughly predictable but still quite enjoyable.

Finally as the coup-de-grace we had “Drive Angry”, the Nic Cage vehicle (ithankyou) that I’d wanted to sit down and watch for months. To say it was over-the-top would be an understatement, but I loved every ridiculous minute of it. William Fitchner is great as the creepy accountant, who works as black comic relief, and Amber Heard manages to be a tough leading lady without being annoying or cliché. All that and it had a great soundtrack of old school rock. All-in-all it was everything a tongue-in-cheek action movie should be.

God I love bad movies.