Rebooting the past

As I’ve ranted about before, it seems that Hollywood are so completely out of original ideas that they need to keep rehashing old ones to try and maintain a grip on their audience. This seems to be especially prevalent in television at the moment.

It’s not always bad. The new Battlestar Galactica was a well constructed, multi-layed series, with complex characters and gripping storylines. To my mind one of the best television shows of the last ten years. But for every Battlestar Galactica there’s a V or a Bionic Woman or a Hawaii Five-O.

Actually, I’m being harsh. I quite enjoy the new Hawaii Five-O, and consider it one of my guilty pleasures. What I like about it is that it’s trash, that knows it’s trash. It doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Which is my problem with shows like Blue Bloods, which pretends to be high brow but is really just trash.

The other thing Hawaii Five-O has going for it is the cast. Despite Alex O’Loughlin being the world’s least expressive human, the show has Scott Caan who’s entertaining, Grace Park who seems to have the Midas Touch for reboots (see BSG again) and Daniel Dae Kim who, after Lost, must have instructed his agent that he only wanted jobs that were based in Hawaii.

I don’t have anything against reboots per-se. Hawaii Five-O, V, BSG et al were all decades old by the time they got rebooted. It’s when they start tossing around ideas like rebooting Buffy (which is apparently on the cards) that I get a bit twitchy.

Which brings me to the hideous trailer I saw the other day for the new Teen Wolf reboot. Now they’re p*ssing me off. Taking a beloved film from my childhood (my God it’s got Michael J Fox in it…the gold standard of eighties fare) and Twilight-ing it to appeal to a tweenie audience. The thought of it makes me physically sick. OK maybe mot physically sick, but close.

I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though and won’t pass judgement until I’ve seen the first episode myself.

Expect a rant though.

She taught a bad, bad thing

After the startling mediocrity of Green Lantern, I dragged myself to see Bad Teacher, thinking a comedy might lift my spirits. Instead it completed a double bill of so-so movies.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. It was an OK comedy that had a few laughs. It’s nice to see Cameron Diaz doing full-on comedy again – she’s good at it and I think she’s a great example to give stupid sexist idiots who say that women can’t be funny.

She had a great supporting cast around her. Jason Segal is solid as always, and I think may be the person doing the best off the back of How I Met Your Mother (although Cobie Smulders is going to be in The Avengers so let’s wait and see). Phyllis Smith and Eric Stonestreet (from The US Office and Modern Family, respectively) have small but entertaining parts and Justin Timberlake (who has never wowed me in serious roles) is good as the dorky object of Diaz’s affection. It’s weird that the international sex-symbol seems his most comfortably playing a loser, but perhaps hanging around with Andy Samberg has honed his comedy skills.

The real breakout star in this is Lucy Punch, a British actress who I’ve only really seen before in Hot Fuzz (briefly) and ill-fated American sitcom The Class. She is hilarious and has a real future in comedy. Her character (although technically the antagonist to Diaz’s antihero) is the one I ended up routing for, and I felt quite sorry for her by the end – perhaps the uncomfortable feeling of her being unnecessarily punished is one of the reasons I didn’t enjoy the film more.

Ultimately it’s just Bad Santa, but not quite as good.

The next big thing?

Yesterday I was saying that DC would use Green Lantern as the watermark for green-lighting The Flash and/or Wonder Woman. But wouldn’t Green Arrow be the next logical superhero to get the big screen treatment?

Let’s look at it objectively. First of all, Christopher Nolan’s Batman series has been stupidly popular, receiving high box office figures and critical acclaim. Part of that success is down to the realism he gives all of the characters - there’s no "super" anywhere to be seen. Green Arrow could go down the gritty route, except that Green Arrow could make eighties-style wisecracks throughout. He could be a bit like Bond (before Daniel Craig made him all serious) and could go a long way toward bridging the gap between the Batman series and standard superhero fare.

Secondly, he does already have some more mainstream recognition. Anyone who has stuck with Smallville for ten seasons will know that Oliver Queen is a big part of the show (from about season 5/6 onwards anyway). Now admittedly the Smallville audience isn’t huge, but surely he’s got more of a mainstream audience than Green Lantern did? Throw in a Green Arrow related episode of The Big Bang Theory and you’re golden (or emerald).

Once you’ve factored in all of the above, cast someone like Jensen Ackles from Supernatural to play the Emerald Archer and you’ve automatically got ladies in the auditorium (as Jane reliably informs me that Ackles is "dreamy"). And to give Ackles his due, anyone who has watched Supernatural knows that he can do head-cracking and wise-cracking at the same time.

Plus, after Christian Bale said he won’t ever go near a Justice League movie, DC might want to go down the route of casting lesser-known stars that they could hold more power over (much like Marvel has started doing).

So anyway, just a thought. It’s not like I’m DC’s core audience or anything.

Green with mediocrity

So I finally saw "Green Lantern" the other night. Where to begin?

Let me start by saying that I didn't hate it - I think some of the reviews it's been getting have been overly harsh. That said, it is thoroughly predictable and doesn't offer anything new or exciting.

My main problem with it(as I knew it would be) is the over-the-top CGI. It got to the point when watching him breathe was really annoying. And when you're getting annoyed at the sight of a CGI character's unrealistic breathing, then there's something wrong with the film.

And what's wrong with the film is that it's actually quite boring. Beyond the predictable story-arc of the main character, there's the manner in which he kills the final boss, which is so telegraphed I actually groaned when he did it. Plus the mid-credits "sting" happened EXACTLY how I had just told my friend it would. Now obviously, making a by-the-numbers superhero movie is inherently going to be predictable, but after we've reached the genre-defining heights of Iron Man and The Dark Knight I've just come to expect some originality in these films.

Ryan Reynolds makes for strong lead as the Emerald Avenger, but I do think that part of his star power is also part of his problem - I always feel like I'm watching Ryan Reynolds and never the character he's playing. Blake Lively does her best to flesh out an extraordinarily one-dimensional character, and at least manages to give Carol Ferris a little of the feistiness that Lively displayed in The Town. Her and Reynolds have absolutely no chemistry though, which I'm reliably informed (by Joey from Friends) mean that they're "doing it" in real life.

Peter Sarsgaard is great as Hector Hammond, although he portrays his downfall so well that you're feeling sorry for him by the time he's in full-on villain mode. Mark Strong gives a -ahem- strong performance as Sinestro, making him just arrogant enough that if we do get to GL2 we'll believe his descent into villainy. Angela Bassett turning up as Amanda Waller suggests that if they do end up making some more of these "second tier" DC hero movies, then they may be a bigger over-arching universe. Let's face it, DC really need to catch up with Marvel in that respect.

There were some high points to the film. The first training battle between Kilowog/Jordan/Sinestro is entertaining and the only time where they fully realise the potential of what the power rings can do. Also (and this may be a British thing) but the guy who play's Jordan's best mate looks just like Moss from the IT Crowd (not Richard Ayoade, but the character Moss), which meant that whenever he was on screen I kept expecting him to say "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." Alas, that doesn't happen.

So overall, it's not really that good. I hope it does well though, as I think DC are using this as the watermark for bringing other characters like The Flash or Wonder Woman to the big screen. Which I really hope they do. There's only so many times that you can reboot Batman and Superman before I'll stop watching.

Ah, who am I kidding?

Absolutely the best thing on TV

I’ve been quite vocal about the fact that I think “Game of Thrones” is the best thing on television. Despite a slightly anticlimactic season finale, one the whole the series was consistently excellent, with complex characters and dense storylines.

Part of what let the final episode down was that they’d set so much up throughout the series that there was no way that everything was going to get resolved. I would have liked at least a few more loose ends tied up, however in the long run I think it’s probably a really good move, as season two is surely already the most anticipated television event of 2012?

It’s so rare that there’s an intelligent show where genuinely anyone could die at any point. Even in The Wire there were some characters (i.e. McNulty) that remained untouchable throughout. Add to this some excellent performances from the entire ensemble cast, with special mentions having to go to Aidan Gillen as the scheming Little Finger, and Sean Bean and the heroic, if not somewhat naïve Stark. The young actors are all brilliant, especially Maisie Williams who plays Arya (you she’s going to be a big part of future seasons) and Jack Gleeson who does a great job of making Joffrey the most detestable character in the whole thing. And whilst everyone gives solid performances, the true star of the show has to be Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, whose dry sarcasm provides the majority of the show’s laugh-out-loud moments.

The end of episode 9 was truly jaw-dropping (it actually made me start as I was so sure they weren’t going to go through with it), and the cliffhangers at the end of the season have left lots open for season 2. My early predictions are a Lannister/Stark war throughout the early episodes, before they’re forced to put their differences aside to deal with the White Walkers and what Jon Snow’s got going on up north. I doubt there’ll be any confrontation with Daenerys and her brood until season 3. On that note, a great ending to her story…I thought it was coming but it was nice to see them not shy away from such a “fantasy” twist.

It’s the show I’m recommending to everyone that they watch. I won’t hear anyone saying that they can’t deal with the “fantasy” side of it – the show could easily have been about warring affluent families in America – as it’s not about the setting it’s about the story. Much like Battlestar, the medieval backdrop just adds texture to watching the stories of these incredibly layered characters unfold.

Not sure if I can discipline myself to wait until 2012 for the new series…think I might have to start reading the books…

“Stick them with the pointy end.”

Too Hungover

The Hangover 2 is like watching The Hangover again, except it's not quite as good. 


I enjoyed it, but only because I liked the first one so much. It's more like a sitcom than a film, where you find yourself involved what you're watching because of your familiarity with the characters rather than because what's happening to them. Plus there was no "redemption" of Alan this time, which for me was a key point to making the first one work.


But it's cleaned up at the box office, so expect a Hangover 3 in two years. I'll watch that one also, but will be hoping they do something more original than just plagiarise themselves again. 

Friday Haiku

After last Friday, I thought I'd keep the "Friday Haiku" theme running for another week. Here goes:


Lumbering to five
Working hard will hardly work
Another day over


Those of you paying attention will notice an ongoing theme... 

These kids and their music

I heard some people arguing on the train the other day that the music that "kids" listen to these days sucks. I assumed that they didn't watch South Park so the statement was funny only to me. 


What annoyed me, perhaps more than it should have, is that they were my age. I admit I'm set in my ways somewhat musically, and I don't really understand what a Tinchy Stryder is, but I do try to at least follow some of what's going on in the charts.


Now I'm not saying that every song that gets played on Capital is a hit, and that certainly doesn't apply to Kiss100 (London reference), but I don't think you can pigeon-hole an entire generation of music as "crap".


What's worse is hearing this broad generalisation from people in the 23 - 33 bracket. Some of the songs I listened to when I was a teenager were awful. Anyone remember Oxide and Neutrino? As a generation, we put a garage version of the Casualty theme at the top of the charts.


The next time I hear someone my age whining about music nowadays, I'm going to play them Billie Piper's "Cos we want to"  and effectively end their argument right there. 

Living life on the Fringe

So that's the end of season 3 of Fringe. Whilst I won't make any outlandish statements like it's the best show on TV (because that's Game of Thrones in case you were wondering), it is just good quality, high-concept science fiction. And I'll admit that if I'm a sucker for one thing, it's good sci-fi.


Maybe it's down to my upbringing - a youth spent watching Star Trek with my mum and where every sick day meant doing either the Star Wars or Back to the Future trilogies. Or maybe it's just that I like a television show which actually encourages it's audience to think, rather than just shovelling bug eating celebrities or idiotic business wannabes in your face.


So I find my televisual choices leaning more towards the fantastical rather than "reality", and Fringe is up there with the best of them. I'll admit, I wasn't convinced at first. Pacey from Dawson's Creek as the second lead protagonist? Credit to Joshua Jackson, he gives a consistently credible performance as Peter Bishop, and has shaken off the shackles of teen-drama mediocrity. Anna Torv is solid as Olivia, giving the show a tough yet believable main character, and if anyone were to question her acting just refer to her OUTSTANDING Leonard Nimoy impression. Finally completing the trinity is John Noble as Walter, who is reason enough to watch the show. Equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking. The supporting cast are great to, especially Lance Reddick as the always serious Broyles (a very similar character to Daniels whomhe portrayed in the Wire) and Jasika Nicole as the sweet lab-assistant Astrid, who I think is the heart of the team.


After sticking through a slow first couple of episodes the show really took off, and that's continued into the third season, which for my money has been most entertaining and definitely the most interesting in terms of story. I never really fancied Olivia, but when Fauxlivia turned up with her red hair and slightly evil demeanour, I was sold.


Plus there's the title sequences. I can't remember EVER being that excited about seeing a different set of opening credits, but I find myself cheering "Red Fringe!" or "Eighties Fringe!" whenever they switch from the normal blue for an episode. I don't even want to tell you what happened when I saw the dark dystopian delights of "Black Fringe". God I embarrass myself sometimes.


All in all, a consistently good show. It's not going to change your life, but it will entertain you for 45 minutes a week.


And in the end, sometimes that's all you need out of the TV.

Published at last

On Friday the 17th June 2011, my work was published for the first time.


True, it was just a text in The Metro but it's a first step. I'm sure a book deal awaits.


That said, now that I think about it, I did get a letter published in the back of an X-men comic when I was ten. Oh well.

The Lesson of the Water-Mill

It's very rare that I get serious, but a friend of mine was putting together a scrapbook for his daughter's Christening and asked everyone to contribute a poem or quote.


Now I am really not into poetry in a huge way (there are perhaps 5 poems that I genuinely like), but the one below is one of my favourites. Joanie gave me a copy of it for my 18th birthday and I always thought the sentiment was both beautiful and timeless. When speaking about it, I realised that not many people had heard of it, so thought I'd reproduce it in it's entirety below.


That's enough sensitivity for one day - I promise I'll be funnier tomorrow.



Listen to the water-mill
Through the livelong day,
How the clicking of its wheell
Wears the hours away!
Languidly the autumn wind,
stirs the forest leaves,
From the field the reapers sing,
Binding up their sheaves;
And the proverb haunts my mind
As a spell is cast–
“The mill cannot grind
With the water that has past.”


Autumn winds revive no more
Leaves that once are shed,
And the sickle cannot reap
Corn once gatheres;
Flows the ruffled streamlet on,
Tranquil, deep, and still;
Never gliding back again
To the water-mill
Truly speaks the proverb old
With meaning vast–
“The mill cannot grind
With the water that has past.”


Take the lesson to thyself,
True and loving heart;
Golden youth is fleeting by,
Summer hours depart;
Learn to make the most of life,
Lose no happy day;
Time will never bring thee back
Chances swept away!
Leave no tender word unsaid
Love while love shall last–
“The mill cannot grind
With the water that has past.”


Work while yet the daylight shines,
Man of strength and will!
Never does the streamlet glide
Useless by the mill;
Wait not till to-morrrow’s sun
Beams upon thy way
All that thou canst call thine own
Lies in thy “To-day”‘
Power, intellect and health
May not always last–
“The mill cannot grind
With the water that has past.”


Oh, the wasted hours of life
That have drifted by!
Oh, the good that might have been–
Lost, without a sigh!
Love that we once have saved
By a single word,
Thoughts conceived, but never penned,
Perishing unheard;–
Take the proverb to thine heart,
Take, and hold it fast–
“The mill cannot grind
With the water that has past.”


- Sarah Doudney 1841-1926

It was my fault for watching

The other night I found myself too awake to sleep and too tired to do anything productive, so I found myself (for my sins) watching Saw VI on TV.


Now, I liked the first Saw film...at the time it was original and I didn't see the twist coming. Unfortunately with each new film it seems to have gone further and further down hill, and now is nothing more than torture porn.


I wouldn't mind so much if the films weren't just carbon copies of each other. Surely they're the very definition of banal cinema.


I do like the music though.

Keep on moving

You know that it's time for you to move when you're watching the news and you see a house where a grisly murder has taken place and your first thought is "I wonder how many bedrooms that has?"


Just saying.

Poetry Corner

As it's Friday I thought it might be nice to mix things up a little, in the form of a haiku:


Sat here at my desk
Wishing tonight could be now
God I need a beer


Not exactly the height of culture, but it's a start.

Star Trek villains just hanging out

I saw a poster for "Keeping up with the Kardashians" at the bus stop the other day. God that show looks inane. I think they would have reached a much wider audience (read: extremely niche and geeky) if they had called it "Keeping up with the Cardassians" and based it on the Star Trek villains sharing a house.


I can see it now: "In this week's episode, Gul Dukat is annoyed because Garak has used the last of the toilet paper and hasn't replaced it".


TV producers of the land, get on it...this show has legs.

Drive Irritated

After the astounding awfulness of “The Room”, there was still a Shite Movie Saturday to be had, so we began working our way through the cavalcade of crap cinema that we’d accumulated in preparation of the big day.

Kicking things of was “Bitch Slap”, a lesbian heist movie that was to “Bound” what “2 Fast 2 Furious” was to “Crash”. With far too much budget than it deserved, it was effectively various interconnected scenes of three women in increasingly skimpy outfits…not that 75% of the audience minded (sorry Jane). In it’s defence it did have one of the best girl versus girl fights I’ve seen in a really long time (perhaps even since “Kill Bill”), and it had cameos by all of the main characters from Hercules and Xena, which reminded me just how bad some of the shows I used to watch when I was 14 actually were (can’t believe I used to fancy Gabrielle). But ultimately “Bitch Slap” had a curvy red head in it, so it wasn’t too hard a sell for me.

After that, we moved on to the B-Movietastic “Piranha”, which I had no problem sitting down to watch if only because it had Kelly Brook in it…who has pride of place on my top five, laminated list. Plus it had cameos from Richard Dreyfus and Christopher Lloyd, which in itself made it worth a viewing. It was what it was, but I think the fact that it reminded me of an Eighties’ creature-feature led me to enjoy it more than most. Plus, I have a smug self-satisfaction whenever I know that the framing of a particular shot within the conventions of a genre means that someone is about to come to a bloody “surprise” end. Overall, thoroughly predictable but still quite enjoyable.

Finally as the coup-de-grace we had “Drive Angry”, the Nic Cage vehicle (ithankyou) that I’d wanted to sit down and watch for months. To say it was over-the-top would be an understatement, but I loved every ridiculous minute of it. William Fitchner is great as the creepy accountant, who works as black comic relief, and Amber Heard manages to be a tough leading lady without being annoying or cliché. All that and it had a great soundtrack of old school rock. All-in-all it was everything a tongue-in-cheek action movie should be.

God I love bad movies.

The Magician's Nephew

After Disney made a film (plus three sequels) of "The Pirates of the Caribbean" theme park ride, surely the next logical step was to make a whole film from the short (albeit iconic) Mickey Mouse segment from "Fantasia".


And so we have the marvellous mediocrity of "The Sourcerer's Apprentice", which isn't particularly bad but isn't great either. I actually groaned when they redid the famous broom/cleaning scene. That said Alfred Molina is great as a panto baddie and there is a Star Wars reference so it's not all bad.


Nic Cage gets to snog Monica Bellucci, which I'm sure is the only reason he's involved (who'd pass up that opportunity). Finally Jay Baruchel is suitably nerdy and awkward, but I do find his nasal voice rather irritating.


Prime family / sunday afternoon viewing. Don't go in expecting much and you won't be disappointed.


But by the end you will want your own Tesla Coil.

The Citizen Kane of bad movies

After several months of cajoling from friends, I finally sat down to watch "The Room" at the weekend.

Now I love a bad movie more than most, almost as much as a good one. Watching a bad movie with friends is a much more social activity than watching something that you're actually interested in. When you care about what you're watching you don't want people interrupting you or asking you questions or making jokes. When you're watching a bad movie, that's all part of the experience. That's why my DVD collection features a smattering of Godfrey Ho, washed down with a big dollop of Mark Dacascos.

Knowing my fondness for watching absolute crap with my friends, a colleague at work had recommended that I bring "The Room" to the proverbial table for our next Shite Movie Saturday. After it was described to me as the "Citizen Kane" of bad movies, the bar was already set pretty high.

And "The Room" did not disappoint.

A wonderful hybrid of horrible acting, bad dubbing, unnecessary sex scenes, ridiculous writing and hideous direction, this film failed on all levels. And I loved it for it.

Even greater was the startling amount of needless plot points that were raised once and then never revisited:

- What happened with Lisa's uncle trying to take the Mum's house?

- What happened with Denny's drug addiction?

- Does Chris R (somewhat of a pointless last initial there) still want Denny dead?

- What was happening with the Mum's breast cancer?

- Who's the dude that only shows up in the last ten minutes yet seems to be everyone's best friend?
- Why are they playing football in tuxes?
- Why did Wiseau give himself two production credits?

The dialogue was laughable, and yet instantly quotable - "Oh hai Mark" will surely be my new stock greeting. "As far as I'm concerned, you can just drop off the face of the earth. And that's a promise" was my personal favourite. I'm sure the more a rewatch this misjudged masterpiece, the more lines I'll add to my repertoire.

All in all, I can't recommend the film that Tommy Wiseau wrote, produced, executive produced (I wasn't kidding), directed and starred in enough. By the end, I genuinely couldn't tell if he was pulling my leg, or if he just has more money than sense.

Either way, it's one to watch with a big group of friends and an even bigger stash of alcohol.

Just make sure you don't end up in a hospital on Guerrero Street. That'll make sense later.

In Blackest Day...wait...

After a conversation in the pub last week I've been racking my brains to remember the Green Lantern's motto. Now, for a comic book geek this should be easy right? Except I've never been a particular fan of The Green Lantern. When it comes to DC, I'm all about Batman. I love the Green Arrow, can handle some Superman, quite like the Flash and can even dig Wonder Woman. But Green Lantern always left me a little cold.

Maybe it's having the ring that you can use to manifest anything you can imagine and not using it for personal gain (I always said I'd be a better villain than hero), or maybe it's the characters. Hal Jordan always just seemed annoying, John Stewart is as bland as beige paint on a Tuesday, Kyle Rayner is just a whiny bitch and Kilowog sounds like an STD. And Guy Gardner is possibly the character I like least in comics. So until "Blackest Night" (which was pretty cool) I'd never paid them that much attention.

But of course I'll go and see the film (just to know) and will need to know the motto if only to impress (read: bore), whomever I drag out with me. So here goes:

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, No Evil Shall Escape My Sight.
Let All Who Worship Evil's Might. Beware My Power, Green Lantern's Light.

Got it. And it's only taken me about five days.

And yes all words do need to be capitalised, because it's a motto (that's how it works right? Don't ask me, it's not as if I'm a writer...)

Anyway now I feel smug and superior and even more of a loser than I normally do. Sometimes achievement really is a double edged sword...which is also something that Hal Jordan never had the imagination to use on Sinestro.

Stupid Power Ring.

Breaking Dawn

This image did the rounds a few months back, but in light of the MASS hysteria surrounding the Breaking Dawn trailer, I dug it out again.


Twilight sucks by the way...vampires should not fraking sparkle.


If only someone was writing a book where vampires are hardcore again...

Thursday Night Lights

Thursday night was a great night and ended up being somewhat of a dichotomy because it was a "boys night out" which ended in us spending the evening hanging out with lots of girls. But then that's what happens when you go to a gig to see your friend's all female band.

It was Alex's band's second gig, and I was somewhat dubious that we could make it there in time. They were playing in Chelmsford at 8.30pm and I wasn't due to be home from work until just before seven. And let's face it, a cross-county road trip on the M25 isn't normally especially quick. Jake and Danny however convinced me that it could be done, and after the world's quickest shower, I jumped in the car with the boys and we were on the road. 

Now, not that there's anything wrong with Danny's driving and I'm especially not one to comment as my friend's loving (I hope) refer to me as "Driving Mrs Daisy" (hey, there's nothing wrong with respecting the road!); but I did at times feel like I was in the Delorean and we were all heading back to 1955. The only silver lining of that being that the whole lesbian thing would avoid awkward romantic encounters with my mother. Joking aside, Dan is a very good driver and he got us to the pub in record time. Mental note, don't insult the dude who always drives so that you can have a drink.

It was really nice to have a few beers on a Thursday (it's been a while since I last went boozing on a school night...it always makes me feel 17 again) and was especially nice to see Alex's band and friends, all of whom I've met a couple of times now and really like. When My Heroine (the band) hit the stage they were excellent, and while I'll admit that I'm somewhat biased as it's a good friend of mine kicking arse on the drums; Danny (who is annoyingly knowledgeable about music and goes to gigs all the time) was equally blown away, which is a pretty good indication of how good they are. As my saying always goes, it you can impress the angriest man in Kent, you can impress anyone! Now to get him to read my novel...

After the girls had finished they were followed by a thrash metal band (let's call them Screamy Screamerson and the Screamers - which is much more accurate than whatever they were really called), and the lead singer (who was all of fourteen and had braces) opened with "Come on you f***ing c***s", which in my opinion you can only do if you're Johnny Rotten playing at the Astoria. Doing it to a room of 20 people doesn't have the same effect. Can you tell that I wasn't blown away by them? They in turn were followed by what was effectively a cover band, who were so unremarkable I can't remember any of the songs they played and my only memory was of one of them "power sliding" off of the stage. Funny, yet at the same time tragic.

The real winner of the night was some of the ludicrous chat up lines that the pub had on display in the toilet. My favourite chat up line has always been the "Are you a vet? Because these swans need attending", however "You may have lost your virginity, but can I have the box that it came in?" may now be a close second. Too far over the mark (yet still pretty funny) was "Are your parents retarded? Because you're pretty special". Not quite as subtle as "losing" a wedding ring for an evening but a good start.

As the evening was drawing to a close, we ended up drinking with the girls and some of the boys from "Screamy Screamerson", who were actually really good kids. But they were kids...whilst I'm not over-the-hill yet at 27, I wasn't exaggerating when I said that one of them looked about fourteen. And the eldest was seventeen tops. I think when they went to school the next day their stories of drinking with the girls will be greatly hyperbolised. But they were nice kids, and one of them let me try on his hat, which was a ri-hi-diculous bobble monstrosity which had mohawk. That's right, a mohawk. Admittedly with my ten-year-old leather jacket (which is awesome and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise) and my wardrobe full of geeky T-shirts that reference everything from Star Wars to He-Man, I've never been on the cutting edge of fashion, but SERIOUSLY a hat with a built in mohawk?!? Yet somehow I pulled it off (or at least that's what I'll keep telling myself) and I think there's a photo of me in it floating somewhere in the ether. Let's hope it never surfaces.

Anyway, after all that fun, and me even getting to drop some of my "Lantern" knowledge (note to self, must remember the whole motto before Friday without using the internet), we were off home. The junction to the M25 was shut, but that wasn't a problem for Danny's magic car (seriously it was like being in Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang...if Chitty had been a Renault Clio with a Yoda on the dashboard) and we still had time for a dirty Mackers before bed.

Then Friday ended up being one of the most hideous days of my professional career, so in hindsight I'm really glad that I had such a great time on Thursday.

The best thing about the evening was that Jake and Dan had such a great time that they can't wait until the next gig so we can do it again. And you know I'm on it like a car bonnet, so maybe I'll see you there?

I'll be the one in the mohawk hat.

An emotional rollercoaster

I've been meaning to finish a post I started a few days ago about an awesome evening I had last Thursday, but haven't had the chance due to going through an absolutely tumultuous time over the last week. This culminated with hideous news on Friday, followed by a wonderful weekend with some of my best friends, which in turn ended with them suffering a bereavement.

It put my own problems in perspective and made me remember how I felt when my step-brother passed. The pain gradually numbs over time before you forget just how raw it was and you slip back into getting worried about work and other pointless crap. Then something wakes you up from the daze that you've allowed yourself to fall into and you remember that ultimately none of that matters apart from spending time with the people you love and letting them know that you love them. I'm not trivialising other problems at all and know that in the scheme of things I'm extremely lucky and live a sheltered life. Because I know that deep down, whatever other problems that I have in my life, I have family and friends (who are my family in everything but blood), who'll be there for me.

I'll finish my post tomorrow and I'll keep writing because that's who I am and that's what I love to do. And the thing everyone always forgets until they're painfully reminded, is that life is too short not to do what you love.

Between The City and The City

Just finished reading "The City and the City" and really enjoyed it. One of the best books I've read in a long time, and such an original idea.


If you haven't read it, it's about two cities which exist in the same geographic location but the inhabitants of both are trained to "unsee" each other. It then becomes and existential detective story, with some really clever scenes. 


I heartily recommend it!

"X" gonna give it to you

So X-Men First Class. Let me start by saying that I was dubious going in...not in the least because I didn't think that James McAvoy had the chops to take over from Patrick Stewart. Plus I'm not keen on the idea of the weird prequel/reboot hybrid it was pitched as...I find the idea of RetConing the X-men films so soon after the release of the last one a bit unnecessary.

However, I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised. Whilst McAvoy starts off as a Sixties Austin Powers stereotype (I cannot make my peace with Xavier constantly saying “Groovy”), by the end he had grown on me, and made me think that perhaps I had been too quick to judge him. Michael Fassbender goes the other way, insomuch as he is consistently brilliant throughout, until the final post-battle scenes, when his accent really starts to slip. Some people were really down on January Jones as Emma Frost, but I liked her. The cold, distant beauty act encapsulated the Emma Frost from the comics (at least the pre-GenX Frost, anyway), and on a superficial level, she did make those outfits look good.  Rose Byrne and Oliver Platt were both solid, and Jason Flemyng makes the most of the little screen time he has (all in the all the Brits were pulling more than our fair share of the weight – represent yo!) The stand out performance has to be Kevin Bacon as Sebastian Shaw, and as a child of the Eighties it is nice to see Bacon in such a big role in such a big movie (I’ve been a fan since Tremors, and the game named after him was a key flirtation device when I was romancing my wife).

There are some flaws in the film, some of which jarred me as a comic book geek, and some of which annoyed me because they don’t make sense in the context of the other films (my point about RetConing your own work!) Firstly, Moira McTaggart is NOT a CIA Agent, she’s a Scottish scientist. Secondly, Banshee is Irish (and his family are pretty much the only Irish characters in the X-universe). Being of Irish heritage myself, it’s a little annoying to see Banshee (and Moira to some extend) being made into Americans because it’s easier for the story.  Thirdly, (and I fully admit I’m being picky), Havok is Cyclops’ younger brother – you’d think they would mention that. These issues are all largely because I’m a comic book purist, and I can get over them. On to the stuff that REALLY annoyed then...

1)  Didn’t a much younger version of Emma Frost turn up in Wolverine: Origin? Just saying.

2)  This was my biggest annoyance – at no point in any of the other three X-men films, did Professor X mention that him and Mystique GREW UP TOGETHER! Seriously, where did that come from.

3)  Of all the heroes and villains to use, Riptide (who isn’t even named) and Angel (the crappy female one) are just poor choices. Even Avalanche would’ve been better than Riptide. I can only hope that if Bryan Singer does get around to doing X4 and X5, he brings in some quality villains like Sinister or Apocalypse (who I freely admit are too big to be Shaw’s sidekicks, however there is a whole Hellfire club to choose from).  As for Angel, I always hated that character. Fricking Jubilee would’ve been better than her.

On to the good, and there was a lot of good going for it. I did like young Mystique (despite the backstory) and if they do turn this into a trilogy I hope they explore her relationship with Azazel (baby Nightcrawler, anyone?). Of the “kids” her and Beast are the best, and I thought Beast’s story was well handled (although the prosthetics at the end really hindered his mouth from moving when he was talking). The other thing I like was the fact that Beast was the only one whose age was about right (in the context of X3).

The highlight of the film for me (and what has been missing from the previous films) was the costumes. Finally getting to see the X-men in blue and yellow, as they should be. I get that black leather is “cooler” (or at least is was when they were riding on the crest of the Matrix’s waves), but ultimately the X-men are SUPERHEROES and it’s good to see them in costume.

Re-reading the above, I might have been a bit unfair on the film, as I did really enjoy it. I was entertained throughout and apart from a weird Rocky-style montage, and the exposition montage explaining to the audience just how the cold war worked in the lowest common denominator, the film was consistently good. There were some good set pieces, and although the final battle is a bit disjointed it really works in setting up Xavier and Magneto becoming the characters that people will recognise.

Possibly the best of the X-films to date, with a neat cameo from Rebecca Romijn. The films only use of the F-word (hey, it is a 12a) was brilliant, and probably the high point for me. Slightly disappointed that there was no “sting” in the tale, but I think that’s only because I come t expect it of Marvel now!

If they can keep pulling off films of this level I’ll be more than happy. Let’s see how Green Lantern compares later this month...