It's the end of the world as we know it

Forget the riots in London, forget the fact that mother nature is turning on us, and forget the fact that the world economy is in turmoil. The true sign that we're facing the end of days came yesterday when Cher Lloyd got to number one.


I'm not going to run through all my problems with her song again, but it's here if you're interested. All I'll say that it's a sad day for British music and I'm sure that it's one of the portents of the apocalypse. Call Sam and Dean Winchester, call Buffy, hell I'd settle for someone calling Torchwood if it's stop this madness.


Yeats once asked: "And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" 

Evidently the answer is Cher Lloyd.  

Swagger Jagger

Whilst I stand by my defence of “current” music a few weeks ago, every so often a song comes along that is so soul crushingly awful, it drains all goodwill that you hold towards the current generation of musicians.

And so we have “Swagger Jagger”, the first single from X-Factor “star” Cher Lloyd. And when I say X-Factor it’s the predictable and dull Simon Cowell sponsored “talent contest” and not the comic book about either the original X-men, the government sponsored mutant team or the mutant detective agency (depending on which decade you were reading X-Factor in).

So we have Cher Lloyd, looking like Cheryl Cole on crystal meth, “singing” along to the tune of “Oh my darling Clementine” – just like Huckleberry Hound. And believe me, you’d prefer to hear the blue Hanna-Barbera dog singing off-key rather than listen to this drivel. She makes Rebecca Black look like Alicia Keys.

Oh, and I’m aware of my over use of speech marks, but I think they’re legitimate in reference to her “singing”, her being a “star” and X-Factor being a “talent contest”.

I don’t like to throw the word around in jest, but after hearing this, I felt like my ears had been raped.