Can you dig it, Sucker?

The other night I was treated to the complete sensory onslaught that is Sucker Punch. I was somewhat hesitant of it going in, based solely on the fact that it’s a Zack Snyder movie where he hasn’t been able to lift the storyboard directly from the source material (a la Watchmen and 300). I thought Dawn of the Dead was OK, but call me a purist, I still don’t believe that zombies should run.

After an interesting beginning (a creepily slow version of “sweet dreams” playing over the protagonist’s attempted murder of her abusive stepfather), the whole thing went downhill pretty quickly. My first clue was when said stepfather dragged the girl to a “home for the mentally insane”. Maybe Snyder was purposely being ironic, but surely it’s either “mentally ill” or “clinically insane”? Isn’t “mentally insane” the only type of insane? Just saying.

Then the film quickly shifted into a weird hybrid of a music video, a computer game and fetish porn. Not one to complain about skimpily dressed ladies, even I thought the costumes were ridiculous. The visual style of the film was stunning and the soundtrack was great, but ultimately when you’re focussing on the cinematography and the music, it usually means there isn’t much else going on, and this was definitely the case here. A classic case of style over substance, all the dragons, robots and Nazi zombies in the world couldn’t cover the lacklustre acting, hammy dialogue and poor plotting.

Awesome soundtrack aside, take away the glossy visuals and you’re left with a pretty boring film. The one (unintentionally) funny moment came when two of the girls were discussing their pasts. “Oh right you’re an orphan. I ran away from home too.” – Pretty sure that’s not the same.

I really wanted to like this, as Snyder’s next film is the 2012 Superman reboot. Based on this, it’s not looking promising.

Can I dig it, Sucker? Not really.

The evil that beards do

I recently part-shaved my beard, leaving me with just a goatee. It’s weird because most of the time I have a beard, and on the occasions that I shave it off, I’ll see myself in the mirror and think “Oh right, that’s what I actually look like.” More often than not, I’ll also think “Must lose some weight and that extra chin I’m carrying.”

But the goatee is disconcerting. Maybe it’s because I was brought up on a strict diet of sci-fi, but when I see my reflection in the mirror, my gut reaction is always: “It’s evil me from the mirror universe”. Star Trek, anyone?

So in my head, Goatee Wez is the Wez where George Bailey was never born and Buffy Summers never came to Sunnydale. It’s the Wez from the Demons ship in the “Angels and Demons” episode of Red Dwarf. It’s the Wez from the Age of Apocalypse. It's the Wez where Richard Nixon is still President.

That’s just how my mind works, sad but true.