The worst comic book movie ever?

The terms “worst movie ever” and “the most awful thing I’ve seen” are thrown around a lot nowadays, often just as a figurative explanation of something you really didn’t enjoy. They’re hardly ever used literally.

Then comes along Jonah Hex, which may literally be the worst comic book movie I’ve ever seen. I judge it so harshly because it clearly had a massive budget and some genuine star power. I mean, Elektra was awful, but it only really had Jennifer Garner and some dude from ER headlining. This had John Malkovich and Josh Brolin in it for crying out loud! Megan Fox (who seems to be a megastar somehow) is in it too, as is Will Arnett, who I genuinely think is one of the funniest people in Hollywood at the moment – God only knows why he took a straight role in this...maybe he was a fan of the comics? Here’s hoping he now makes an Arrested Development movie now as penance.

The plot is pointless and the explosive action set-pieces are just boring. Thankfully it’s not even 90 minutes, but it’s still time from my life that I’m never going to get back.

Why on Earth DC thought this was a better choice for a film adaptation than The Flash, Wonder Woman or Green Arrow is beyond me. Even Aquaman would’ve been preferable.

And as we all know, Aquaman sucks.

The evil that beards do

I recently part-shaved my beard, leaving me with just a goatee. It’s weird because most of the time I have a beard, and on the occasions that I shave it off, I’ll see myself in the mirror and think “Oh right, that’s what I actually look like.” More often than not, I’ll also think “Must lose some weight and that extra chin I’m carrying.”

But the goatee is disconcerting. Maybe it’s because I was brought up on a strict diet of sci-fi, but when I see my reflection in the mirror, my gut reaction is always: “It’s evil me from the mirror universe”. Star Trek, anyone?

So in my head, Goatee Wez is the Wez where George Bailey was never born and Buffy Summers never came to Sunnydale. It’s the Wez from the Demons ship in the “Angels and Demons” episode of Red Dwarf. It’s the Wez from the Age of Apocalypse. It's the Wez where Richard Nixon is still President.

That’s just how my mind works, sad but true.

Earth’s Mightiest Cartoon

I mentioned yesterday that I had been finishing up the first series of “Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes”. And what a season finale it was. After “X-men Evolution”, the rebooted “Spiderman” cartoon and the “Fantastic Four” I had all but given up on the animated Marvel stuff…none of it was reaching the glory days of the nineties when we had the excellent “X-Men” and the spectacular “Spiderman” running at the same time. See, alliteration can be our friend.

Especially as DC then took the ball and ran with it, bringing out (arguable) one of the best animated series ever in “Batman”, followed up by “Justice League”/“Justice League Unlimited”, which until they ceased production I used to hold up as an example to anyone who said they weren’t making decent cartoons anymore. Then DC split into two different avenues of cartoon production. On one hand they were making the extremely child friendly “Batman: Brave and the Bold” and on the other they were created feature length animated movies that were entirely aimed at the adult market. Most of which are brilliant, especially “Batman: Under the Red Hood” and the two Superman/Batman movies.

So Marvel was left to try and fill the gap in the market for an ongoing cartoon series that wasn’t aimed squarely at five-year-olds. In my opinion the first real foray into this was the wholly underrated “Wolverine and the X-men”, which was cancelled after one series (disappointingly, it was just when they’d gotten to the Age of Apocalypse).

So I was somewhat apprehensive about “Avengers; Earth’s Mightiest Heroes”, partly because I was always more of a fan of the X-men than the Avengers, and also because it seemed like it was just another merchandising opportunity for Marvel to cash in on the wave of Iron Man, Thor and Captain America fever that they were hoping would sweep the globe. So colour me pleasantly surprised when I found out what a hidden gem this series was.

Firstly, it takes it’s time. This is a much overlooked and undervalued concept in television, especially cartoons. It really felt like the whole series had been plotted before they starting making it, and was all the better for it. The first five episodes (re)introduce the acquainted and unacquainted viewers to characters which they may or may not be aware of (bearing in mind that at the time of first transmission neither the Thor or Cap movies had hit cinemas). Characters like Ant Man, Wasp, Hawkeye and Black Panther were all given at least half an episode to establish them as heroes individually, before Thor, Ant Man, Wasp, Iron Man and Hulk formed the first iteration of the team in episode 6/7. Hulk leaves in episode 8, Cap gets thawed out in 9 and it’s not until the end of episode 13 that we first see the full team together, and that’s halfway through the series. And it’s not just the heroes. They set Loki up in episode 2 and throughout the series progress his machinations before he ends up being the big bad at the end of the season. Most members of “The Masters of Evil” get a whole origin episode, and Kang the Conqueror’s vendetta with Cap is set up from the very beginning. You really feel if shows like “The Event” and “Flashforward” had been plotted this tightly, they wouldn’t have been cancelled.

Secondly, the character development is great – a lot better than you’d expect from a superhero cartoon. Hulk can’t function as part of the team as he thinks they don’t trust him, Ant Man is a pacifist who doesn’t want to solve problems with violence, Hawkeye is in love with Black Widow and conflicted about her betrayal and Iron Man is trying his best to lead the team despite it being obvious to everyone (especially himself) that Captain America would be a better leader. The villains are well drawn too (some of them anyway). Wonder is conflicted by the fact he has to do evil in order to stay alive, and Ultron’s character evolves until he is in full-on, destroy the planet mode.

Finally, it’s just a bit more mature. Characters get killed (more often than not it’s off screen, but it does happen); with Black Panther’s father a prime example. The stories are action packed enough for children to enjoy on a superficial “look at Hulk smash” level, with enough ongoing story arcs and set ups for future episodes to keep more grown up viewers entertained. They’ve already set up stories for season two, which I really hope they make. Look forward to a Skrull invasion and finding out what happened to Bucky...

All in all, a great series that has really redeemed Marvel in the animated stakes. I can’t recommend it enough - it’s a really strong series.

But then, Hulk is strongest there is...

The rock and roll lifestyle

The other night I found myself at home alone. Jane had gone out to a restaurant before going to see a gig at the o2. I was sitting at home in my Spiderman lounge pants watching the three-episode season finale of “Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes”. Who can say who leads a more exciting and cosmopolitan life?

Pretty sure it’s me though.

How to not win at quizzes

Went to a pub quiz earlier in the week, which I didn’t win. My team came third out of eight, which is fairly respectable, or so I’m told.

I think the problem was largely that there were too many questions about sport and soap operas, and not enough about The X-men, Stephen King or the films of George Lucas. They didn’t even mention The Princess Bride once.

Who says my knowledge is too esoteric?

Getting Sourcey

Movie double the other night, consisting of the wholly brilliant Source Code and the wholly not great Gulliver’s Travels.

Source Code is high concept science fiction (which I’m a fan of, in case I haven’t mentioned it before) and is a thoroughly entertaining watch. Jake Gyllenhaal gives his best performance since Donnie Darko and Vera Farmiga is excellent providing the moral heart of the film. 

The intriguing story sets up two separate but equally compelling mysteries at the same time: who’s responsible for the attack on the train, and what’s really going on with Jake Gyllenhaal’s character back in the present. The whole thing plays out like a incredibly dark episode of Quantum Leap (yet somehow it still works). I won’t spoil the plot any more than I already have, but needless to say it’s definitely worth a watch.

It’s Duncan Jones’ second film, following on from the outstanding Moon (it’s a crime that more people haven’t seen that film). If he continues on in this vein then you can expect big things from Bowie Jnr in the future, as long as he avoids remaking Labyrinth with his dad.

Then there was Gulliver’s Travels which wasn’t very good, except for the always entertaining Jason Segal (with an unfortunate British accent) and a stand-out performance from Chris O’Dowd, of IT Crowd fame. Considering he’s mostly sharing the screen with Billy Connolly and Jack Black, it’s a testament to his comic timing that he steals every scene he’s in. No wonder he’s making waves in Hollywood now.

Poetry time

Thought I’d continue with the running theme of Haiku’s, especially as I should be having an exciting day tomorrow:

The weekend is here

What promise tomorrow holds

A glorious day


I'm a poet and I didn't know it. Except that I kinda knew.